But, lest some folk think otherwise..

in no particular order:

Alaskan water – even “inland” is plenty deep. In fact, typically about as deep as the adjoining mountains are tall. Plenty of room for any modern submarine to maneuver – albeit slowly.

Pirates are *very* unlikely in Alaskan waters. 99% of all vessels are well armed (ok, not the vessels themselves, but the crew certainly is)

If you fall overboard, don’t worry about the ship stopping for you. Oh, it will, but it takes TIME to stop those things. It will be MUCH faster to send a small boat back for you. This time of year, in those waters.. you might have 15-30 minutes of survival time before hypothermia pulls the plug on you.

Hugging the shoreline or blowing smoke.. neither is effective at all in the modern era (haven’t been for years… munitions can target via radar, thermal, electronic signature…)

On the good side, of course, if the ship DOES sink and you don’t make it to a lifeboat, the shore is bare miles away at worst. Even better, there are very few sharks to worry about.

Oh, and look at the stars up there.. low light pollution ?

MouseOnMars

Nibiru anyone? *Laughs maniacally* BUWAHAHAHAHAAA!

If nothing else, it would give George Noory and the rest of the conspiracy theorists of the world something to talk about for the next 1000 years or so…

Sounds like they’re trouble unless it happens to be Captain Feathersword.

I wouldn’t want phil sucked into either!

Pirates aren’t a huge concern in Canadian and American waters between Vancouver and Anchorage.

“Stop and give us the loot or we’ll harpoon you like a whale!!”

Most cruise ships don’t have propellers in the traditional sense. They use something different whose name escapes me at the moment. You wouldn’t want to be sucked into it, but it’s different from the traditional rotating fan.

This happened to those who tried to escape the Britannic shortly after it began to sink. So remember, swim away from the side of the ship with all you’ve got and try to splash and yell too. Hopefully someone saw you go over anyways, because in Alaskan waters you don’t have more than a few minutes before you’re going to seize up from hypothermia, even in the summer.

Hopefully they’ll signal a man overboard alert which will mean they’ll shut down the engines and send a rescuer down, possibly on a life boat… or lower a rope ladder once its safe

Anyways… it’s a bad situation no matter how you cut it, so don’t try to impress the ladies by showing how well you can swim and diving off the deck. THAT IS WHAT THE POOL IS FOR!

Also… remember that if you break the law in international waters you are no doubt going to have some jurisdictional dicey situations. That stuff is governed by a hodge podge of treaties and presidents going back centuries. For this reason, it often doesn’t get prosecuted at all. And stuff like smoking the wacky weed would not really be illegal because it’s not in violation of general international law or common law anything…

Also: RED SKY IN THE MORNING SAILOR TAKE WARNING. RED SKY AT NIGHT SAILORS DELIGHT!

Pirates: If you are boarded by pirates, just cooperate and give them what they want. Generally pirates do not want to kill the passengers and certainly not sink the ship. They just want the loot. And generally they don’t want to get a reputation for killing non-resisting passengers because that will only end up making things harder for them in the future. (If people start resisting it makes the whole thing harder).

This is not without exception, but unless you are better armed, you pretty much can’t do much and are safest handing whatever you got over…. even your telescope if you have to. The worst case senerio is they would kidnap you for ransom. So do NOT tell them you are Phil Plait, the Bad Astronomer.

Submarines: Sailing in a zig-zag pattern does not actually do any good against U-boats, that’s just a myth. And doing so does make the trip take longer, which only helps the U-boats get a hit. If you think you are shadowed by a submarine, you may want to just stick to hugging the coast. It can be risky, but a submarine needs much deeper water to operate underwater safely than a surface ship needs.

If all else fails and you are being tailed by a submarine or a torpedo boat, you can play chicken and turn around. Such vessels can be easily destroyed by ramming. But that should be a last resort.

If there is an iceberg ahead and the ship does not have enough time to avoid it then the best thing to do may be to go straight for it and try to hit it with the bow, but try to slow as much as possible. This is counter-intuitive, but it’s better to hit dead on than try to turn and run the risk of scrapping down the side of the ship.

If the ship is under attack from aircraft, it may be possible to inject large amounts of something like glycerol or another simple chemical into the engines. If done properly this can create a massive smoke screen which will make accurate targeting difficult optically. Of course this does not effect radar. If you can try to get the ship wedged between rock outcroppings or against the shore, then the returns from these will make it hard to pick out the hull on the radar.

Keep a lookout for mines. It’s less than perfect, but they do sometimes break the surface or make an apparent effect on wave action. Be vigilant for them, because mines are a merciless enemy who knows no rule of law and is blind to who you are.

This may seem counter-intuitive, but if you are going up against a battle ship or a gun destroyer, and you’re in an unarmed cruise ship, do NOT RUN AWAY! Come as close to them as possible. The guns are less effective close up than far away and they may have a limit to how far down or up they can come. These are basically indirect fire weapons. If you’re right up next to them they’ll basically be limited to small arms. You can sideswipe them. That may be the best offensive maneuver.

Torpedoes:
Keep a lookout for these and inform the bridge of any potential bubble trials. The thing to remember is that defensive maneuvers can be effective, but you need to see it ASAP to have a chance. Try to make a turn and come back toward the torpedo so you can pull off to the side. But one thing to bare in mind is that you don’t want to do this if you think it might make the torpedo hit your vessel broadside. That’s worse.

Modern torpedoes however do not necessarily go for the ship. They may try to get UNDER the ship and explode with a high power blast and shock wave which will break the ship’s keel. The most effective place is the center. If you can get the explosion close enough to the bow or stern you may be able to be lifted up with minimal damage.

But remember that the stern has it’s own issues. This is where your rudders, props and such are. If those get jammed you are a sitting duck.

If you find yourself lost on an uninhabited island, well that’s a whole issue onto itself and I will be sure to post what you need to now a bit later.

Well, I’ll head off and hang with Derick and Swoopy. With my Aussie treats. (see… I can do it too).

Philip from Australia.

Think you’ll do whale watching?

Seriously though, have fun.

*Muttering to self*: I wonder what he’ll do if Colbert takes him up on his challenge while he’s away.

But I’ll be on one of those cruises someday!

Pete

You’re referring to the KBO now known as “Eris”, and yes, as Alex said it’s triggered a recategorization of Pluto. Pluto, Eris, and the asteroid Ceres are all now classified as “dwarf planets”. This all happened late last summer or thereabouts.

What is our take on this :
http://science.nasa.gov/headlines/y2005/29jul_planetx.htm

just wondering…