It’s funny how life changes when you quit your job and move a thousand miles away.
I mean, duh, there’s the obvious stuff. We have a new home we had to fix up (a lot). The Little Astronomer had to leave her friends and start making all new ones at a new school. Mrs. BA had to find a job — I lost my health insurance when I quit, and we went for a couple of months without it here; very scary. And, of course, I had to actually, y’know, write my book.
But it’s not the huge things that are weird. You expect those. It’s the little things.
Mrs. BA gets up before I do now, and gets ready for work. I get up and make and pack TLA’s lunch. I send them off to their respective destinations, go upstairs, and make sure the dog beds are put away so that Canes Minor doesn’t chew them up (she destroys things; Shiva would have been a good name for her). Then I head back down, grab my cuppa joe, and walk into the office.
I was talking with my mom the other day, and realized that every time I quit a job and moved on, the commute got shorter. I’d have to sleep professionally to make the commute shorter now.
Anyway, all of that takes getting used to. Making my own schedule is pretty tough, too, since I’m not exactly a self-motivated kinda guy. All I really want to is lounge around in my underwear, drink root beer and watch TV. But I manage, and get things written. The book is tooling along well now, actually.
But still, all this big stuff is just par for the course. After all, I quit my old job. Things will be different.
But today I was going through some stuff, and printed out some papers. I needed to staple them, so I open the desk drawer. Hmm, no stapler there. How about the cabinet? Nope. Shelves? Other shelves? Kitchen? Nope, nope, nope.
I needed a stapler. I didn’t have one.
How can I not have a stapler? How can anyone not have a stapler?
And then I remembered: you idiot, you have to go out and buy one.
I don’t have a job to give me supplies anymore!
Wow. Nothing brings home the fact that you made a major change in your life like realizing you need to go out and buy a stapler.
Mrs. BA bought me one today. I guess I can get on with my life now.
September 23rd, 2007 at 10:03 pm
The copier’s gonna be a real b*tch…
September 23rd, 2007 at 10:08 pm
What, no red Swingline?
September 23rd, 2007 at 10:18 pm
Just make sure you hide your stationery supplies from the Little Astronomer — ever since I started working from home I am sure that my desk drawers supply my son’s entire class with pencils, erasers, pens and highlighters. At the moment I can’t find a pencil sharpener, and I KNOW I bought a packet of three last time we went to the office superstore!
September 23rd, 2007 at 10:31 pm
Hey Phil, welcome to the real world
Having to buy a stapler really isn’t all that bad. Just wait until you realize you don’t have a copier. That really bugged me after I left my job that had a copier. It made it a chore every time I had to send in a rebate, because I’d need to go somewhere else first that had a copier.
Oh, and I think you might find this interesting. I recently started building my own telescope, and I’m trying to document the whole process. Should be a very useful read for people considering doing it on their own, and especially people who didn’t even realize this was possible.
September 23rd, 2007 at 10:33 pm
The pic of you with the new tool makes you look like Chris Elliot!
September 23rd, 2007 at 11:10 pm
But do you have a staple remover?
September 23rd, 2007 at 11:16 pm
“Heh-heh, Bad Astronomer was an animal. Then he was a woman. And now, Bad Astronomer is — A STAPLER! And he’s about to find out — that being a stapler — is harder than it looks! Bad Astronomer is — THE STAPLER!
Rated PG-13.”
September 23rd, 2007 at 11:18 pm
“What, no red Swingline?”
Did you know that Swingline didn’t start making a red version of that stapler until Office Space made such a big deal over it? Ah, one of the many useless bits of trivia that have pushed the important things out of my head. I think that little fact about a stapler replaced calculus…
Also, great pic Phil!
September 23rd, 2007 at 11:22 pm
Phil, Yeah, were gonna have to move you downstairs to make more room. yeahhh.
September 23rd, 2007 at 11:51 pm
“How can anyone not have a stapler?”
Â
Most people living in the Third World, I’d say. But I guess you knew that.
September 24th, 2007 at 12:08 am
I’ve already got three staplers running around here because I’m already self-employed.
The real adventure is this.. finding staples that fit them… ;-p
September 24th, 2007 at 12:40 am
Have you seen the film “Office Space”? You should really have a red stapler
September 24th, 2007 at 1:21 am
Yup, that there is an epiphany, I like those.
September 24th, 2007 at 1:30 am
well,
when i lost out in the tenure duel at the worlds greatest university i made sure that i brought my stapler out with me. it was privately owned, and much better than the state owned staplers that the rest of the faculty used. i also brought out my box of 5000 privately owned staples which were also better than the ones used by my former faculty colleagues. my former senior colleagues averaged about 50 students per semester and i averaged about 350 students per semester. my former senior colleagues had thursdays off each week, and none of them were to be found in the building after 4:30 PM.
i suspect that none of my former senior colleagues has a decent stapler at their homes.
kitchenboy
September 24th, 2007 at 1:34 am
I know the feeling, my problem is getting sidetracked into reading blogs like this one. Then I follow the links that people post, which lead to other links, which… AAARGH!!
September 24th, 2007 at 1:42 am
I have been reading this newsletter since I found it which researching for a display for Men In Black II. In all these years, I have never posted a comment…I was just around for the neat stuff. I worked for Kerasotes Theaters for 7 yrs, four of which I was the Manager for a twin. I got used to having office supplies shipped to me every month. If I needed something immediately ( staples do not fit stapler …dropped tape dispenser shatters…hate yellow sticky notes), I had a $50 petty cash allowance. Then I quit the job and moved across the US. Serious Culture Shock! I had a burgundy and black coordinated desk set …and now I go crazy trying to keep tape, scissors, and push pins separated in the same drawer at home. Recently I was really upset because I couldn’t update my Dilbert dayplanner. I consoled myself with a Foohy pencil sharpener(like an hourglass-liquid stuff floats around in it). I so understand your dismay!
September 24th, 2007 at 1:47 am
*waves* Long time reader here, but I never commented afair…love this blog, love this posting.
I’m self-employed since 8 years and I already have two staplers *G* And a copier. But it took me years to reach a decent home office status. So do not fear…with time comes more staplers!
P.S. I totally loved your “men crush” posting which I shared with numerous of my online friends *G*
September 24th, 2007 at 2:07 am
LIES!
I live in Boulder, and I can tell you this Phil: it in no way resembles the “real world”
.
Maybe you can do a presentation at CU (assuming you haven’t already planned one). That would be cool.
September 24th, 2007 at 3:15 am
Oh, Phil, why such disdain? You look as if you hate the stapler with fury of a thousand suns.
Love thy office supplies.
September 24th, 2007 at 4:01 am
About the self-motivation, I kind of understand you: I’m in the middle of an exam period. In the beginning, I had an exam every three days or so, and I would study decently and pass most of them. Then there was a break. I’ve been shut in with nothing to do except study for two weeks now, and I barely studied at all! Without the immediate motivation of an upcoming exam, I just sit around doing nothing.
From today and onward, I’ll be taking an exam almost every day. Hopefully I will manage to make up for all the lost time >.>
See, there’s always someone worse than you
September 24th, 2007 at 4:05 am
shiva wouldn’t have been a good name considering the fact that it’s a ‘her’ and shiva is a ‘he’.
you may consider calling her Durga though
September 24th, 2007 at 4:20 am
Wow, that is the exact same stapler I have! I love that stapler. The other day my roommate needed to staple something, and found out like you did that she =did not have a stapler=. So it was me to the rescue. The stapler even got complemented on how well it stapled. Hrmph. That’s its job. It had better be good at it. It’s the only thing that a stapler need be good at. I’m not jealous of the praise. It’s kind of my praise by proxy. So, to sum up, you’ve– or rather, your wife– has made an excellent choice.
September 24th, 2007 at 4:25 am
I would defend my electric pencil sharpener to the death!
The copier comments are correct though. Mrs. Squid and I changed jobs some years ago and ended up without easy access to a copier. We ended up getting one of those HP home-office-in-a-can devices that can fax/copy/print. The original inkjet one wasn’t so great, but the new one is laser-printer based and makes nice copies.
September 24th, 2007 at 5:28 am
It took me five months to find the discipline to seriously work on writing. I had to join “Novel in 90″ over at Live Journal. But, it’s keeping me from plopping down on the couch all day.
Good luck to you.
September 24th, 2007 at 5:28 am
So you’ve got a stapler. But do you have a pair of sharp scissors to get through the consumer resistant packaging?
September 24th, 2007 at 6:15 am
Ahh, staplers are nothing… I’m a student, so every time I print off a paper (or the myriad assignments that go along with said paper), I have to staple it… so I now have two staplers. What’s going to be interesting is when I start writing longer papers that my staplers don’t like because they’re too thick.
September 24th, 2007 at 6:31 am
You don’t need a copier if you have a scanner.
September 24th, 2007 at 6:45 am
All I really want to is lounge around in my underwear, drink root beer and watch TV.
I like the images you post from time to time, BA. But that just cancelled out all the goodness.
September 24th, 2007 at 6:53 am
“Mrs. BA bought me one today.”
I can’t believe you waisted a perfectly good excuse to stop working and get out of the office. You’ve got a lot to learn about working for yourself.
September 24th, 2007 at 7:42 am
I can’t believe there are 28 comments about Phil’s new stapler.
We are a loyal bunch (or maybe we just like to see our own words on the ‘Net).
September 24th, 2007 at 7:57 am
Shouldn’t it read “I can have a stapler”? Or is the title a joke that I’m not getting?
I’m tempted to say the image reminds me of Mike Nelson, but I can’t place it with a similar scene that involves him. Darn!
September 24th, 2007 at 8:09 am
Staplers: One of the many items of stationery that you can never find when you really, really need to.
Infact, all items of stationery are impossible to find when you really, really need them. You can see them all over the place when you don’t have to use them, but as soon as you think, “hey I might just write this with a lead pencil”, it’s never where you thought it was going to be.
September 24th, 2007 at 8:09 am
I’ve got an old-school stainless steel stapler with a big, shiny, metal button on top that is just too much fun to smack the hell out of. If I didn’t have that stapler, I’d probably have to beat people up to get that sort of satisfaction.
September 24th, 2007 at 8:12 am
Grand Lunar,
It’s a joke based upon “i can has cheeseburger?”, which is a long-running catch-phrase on the internet ever since LOL Cats arrived.
September 24th, 2007 at 8:18 am
In a strange moment of simpatico, on Pharyngula this morning, I was just throwing around the idea of a LOL-lions site called “I can has a Christian.”
So, it’s a little strange to see this sort of symmetry on a Monday morning.
PS. I hope my HTML works out. I can has preview feature now?
September 24th, 2007 at 8:21 am
So… apparently nothing at all happened in the world of Astronomy today….
September 24th, 2007 at 8:31 am
mmmmmmmmmmm………..stapler.
September 24th, 2007 at 8:38 am
I am self employed as well…if I don’t work, I don’t eat. And I keep spending my mornings goofing around on this web site!!!!!
It’s OK; it’s worth it.
September 24th, 2007 at 8:40 am
Arrrg. I want to know how you people manage to work full days at home with so many things to distract you! I simply can’t manage it. I end up working like 1 hour a day and I spend the rest screwing around avoiding work:(.
There has to be some trick I’m missing.
September 24th, 2007 at 8:44 am
I remember seeing a catalog ad (probably in Sharper Image or a similar one) for a “stapleless stapler.” It did something to the paper to slightly cut and fold it in a corner. I thought it was cool but way too expensive for home use, and I believe it was limited to a few sheets at most.
And if it wasn’t called “The Papler” it certainly should have.
September 24th, 2007 at 8:55 am
I work from home as well, but I have a stapler because I remembered to steal one from my previous employer…Got to think ahead sometimes…
September 24th, 2007 at 8:56 am
Is Phil required to write about astronomy twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week on his own blog? I mean, I think he has opinions and ideas about other things. Unless he’s a robot… But, then again, for a robot, he makes a lot of typos. Maybe that’s part of the plan?
Phil? Apparently you missed the memo that states that you are only to write about astronomy and nothing else.
September 24th, 2007 at 9:05 am
If you want an all-in-one fax/photo printer/scanner/copier/802.11g wireless, I recommend the HP C6180 which can be had for
September 24th, 2007 at 9:06 am
less than$300 (comment got cut off).
http://www.costco.com/Browse/Product.aspx?prodid=11177035
September 24th, 2007 at 9:13 am
Wow!
40 responses to the stapler story!
I said it before and I’ll say it again, this blog has some of the brightest readers anywhere.
BTW, make sure you have a good staple remover. Steak knives, Swiss Army(TM) Knives, screwdrivers, (slot and especially phillips) and Bic pen caps, will not do. All will mess up the paper and/or any fingers in need of staple removal. Get one of the ones that look like kind-of like a letter opener. The biting claw types look cool and usually work well, but add a whole new demension of home office danger.
Dumb sounding advice, However, I am writing from experience: I have frequent flyer miles at the local urgent care.
September 24th, 2007 at 9:49 am
Phil,
Another side effect of you quiting your job is that my name is no longer on the first result page when I google it. My student profile had your link in it and that gave me a nice boost. It always came up in the top 5. The rest of my family were in the first two pages of results. My compost pile even made the top 50. The EPO office has since taken down old employee profiles and so my 15 minutes are up. If I spin this right, maybe I can get a book deal out of it.
September 24th, 2007 at 9:57 am
Here’s the stapler you want:
http://www.thinkgeek.com/homeoffice/gear/61b7/
(Yes, I know I’m not the first to mention it. However, I do think I’m the first to show you where to buy it.)
As for the commute, some people just don’t understand the problems we run into. The two cat pileup in the hallway… The jackknifed Tonka tractor trailer in the living room…
September 24th, 2007 at 10:26 am
So….
you really want to tell us you have been working for a government agency and you DO NOT have all the equipment you need at home…..
Hmm…., things must somehow be completely different in the U.S.
Andre
September 24th, 2007 at 10:54 am
By the way, your stapler is cute, Phil, but here’s a real man’s stapler.
September 24th, 2007 at 11:00 am
>>> I can has a Christian
Only if you are a lion.
As for staplers:
Phil, you are an author now. You deserve a *MAN’S* stapler.
I present the Stanley-Bostitch B8E
http://www.bostitch.com/default.asp?TYPE=PRODUCT&PARTNUMBER=B8E-Value&PAGE=PRINT
Staples 45 pages at once with the flick of the wrist.
Has the same biting power of a Saber Tooth Tiger.
OK, I made that last one up.
September 24th, 2007 at 11:09 am
A man’s stapler is not made out of plastic*. Sorry. I don’t care if it can staple a phonebook to the outside of an elementary school, if it’s made out of plastic, it’s worthless.
*I will, however, accept carbon-fiber as an alternative.
September 24th, 2007 at 11:17 am
Of course, the stapler is only half the battle. You’ve also got to get the staples!
September 24th, 2007 at 11:22 am
Staplers are an essential tool, no doubt. But another really handy item which I ran across at American Science Surplus is called an iSlice. This is a small, thin mouse-shaped piece of plastic which has a v.small ceramic blade in its nose. It opens envelopes, CD plastic wrap, package tape (if it isn’t too thick), and so on, and is really inexpensive – cheap enough to buy one for several different rooms in the house. And it won’t cut you, ’cause the blade is so small and tucked away – and the blade will stay sharp and will not wear out for a long time, as well. Such a deal.
September 24th, 2007 at 11:25 am
Why are so many of you still using wood pencils???
September 24th, 2007 at 11:40 am
It made it a chore every time I had to send in a rebate, because I’d need to go somewhere else first that had a copier.
A flatbed scanner works just as well. Of course, now that I think about it, not everyoen has a flatbed scanner, either. I have one because my wife is a photographer. But still! Scanner.
The best part is our new laser printer. These things have gotten cheep enough that we were able to pick one up for under a $100.
September 24th, 2007 at 11:56 am
I second the recommendation for the HP C6180 all-things-in-one-can unit if you find you need a copier. (I also very quickly found I needed a copier!)
I still have the stapler my parents bought me back in high school days, a Swingline Cub. Except that it’s all-metal, which is perhaps why it’s lasted do long (multiple decades), it’s not a fancy or high-quality unit. It’s just a stapler. That keeps on stapling.
September 24th, 2007 at 1:29 pm
This comments section is beginning to resemble the time that P.Z. Myers put up a blank post on Pharyngula to see how many comments he would get.
I’m not sure what this says about those of us commenting here…
September 24th, 2007 at 1:50 pm
ABR,
I think it means we all like some easy, completely off topic entertainment….
Andre
September 24th, 2007 at 2:27 pm
Wait until you need a three hole punch!
Rob
September 24th, 2007 at 3:22 pm
Well, while I work for myself, I do have an office to commute to. THAT is where I keep the stapler. Nice black swingline that I occasionally chuck across the office at high velocity. Score to date: Swingline: 23 wall: 0. In another 6 months or so, I’ll have a doorway to the next office.
In each location, I have various and sundry writing utensils, computers, computer peripherals, and paper products. Out of the whole menagerie (including the 20 or so computer carcasses in the garage) the only item I would recommend *against* is something that has the ‘all-in-one’ connotation attached to it. Each and every one of these devices that I have has at least one aspect that’s failed – typically within months of purchase (but after warranty expiration, of course). The current overpriced Door Stop on my desk is a Lexmark X75 used exclusively now as a flatbed scanner – it prints, but only in red.
I fax from the PC on my desk. I print from my Mac (to an HP Laserjet 1320 – I like it a lot. *Duplex*). I copy from the scanner.
I still have room for my Dogbert and my Model skycar. and my palm cradle. and my phone. and my speakers.
and my stapler
September 24th, 2007 at 5:14 pm
From my upcoming story “Star stuff and other stuff”-
“Elementary, my dear Marvin- you are a professor, a professor is a teacher, and what good teacher is ever without a stapler?”
September 24th, 2007 at 6:13 pm
I can relate to the self employed tenancy to put off working on an opus. I was never able to work this way, but my understanding is novelist Thomas Mann would write 40 lines per day. Of course once you’ve written that many you’ll likely be on a roll so it will keep you moving. Another thing you should have left the house to get your stapler instead of delegating that to your wife. Why? Simple, your horizons are limited by your own property now, it is where you live and work. Considering that astronomer itself implies someone who has a broad view of the universe you need to get out, the muses often work their magic during commutes and recreation.
September 24th, 2007 at 9:05 pm
Now having worked with one of them there fancy Bostich automatic staplers I gotta say sucky!!
Now the old 1955ish modle I got from an estate sale that has the open staple channel is awesome. Like others the large head that begs for wacking has a certain appeal and I swear it has never missed a staple. Great old tech that still works, from engineers who knew how to engineer. Bless their slide rules.
September 24th, 2007 at 9:14 pm
>>> I’m not sure what this says about those of us commenting here…
Regular posters to the BA Blog are all genius level IQs.
It’s true!
I read it in my horoscope!
September 24th, 2007 at 9:20 pm
>>> A man’s stapler is not made out of plastic*.
Ha! Luddite! Your Victorian age, rusty metal confabulations can never stand up to manly, objectivist staplers forged from tough, Atom Era plastical materials!
They’re fanplastic!
When the mutanted insects of the distant future unearth the remains of this civilization, your metal tinker toys will be ought but mysterious dark patches in the soil layers. The Space Age plastic staplers will survive! And be worshiopped as GODS by the future insectoid races! Mwah ha ha haaaa!
September 24th, 2007 at 9:28 pm
“Regular posters to the BA Blog are all genius level IQs.
It’s true!”
Works for me!
September 25th, 2007 at 10:52 am
Make sure you save the receipt so you can deduct it from your income tax.
September 27th, 2007 at 3:09 pm
Oh that’s OK, Phil.
I have one that you can collapse. It’s pretty funny, I’ll have to send you pictures on how to work it.
In a nutshell:
1) Open it up all the way.
Glad you were able to move on with your life.
2) Push the “switch” on top down all the way.
3) You can has stapler.
–Dori
February 25th, 2009 at 11:03 pm
I have that exact stapler.
We have done away with the dog bed problem entirely. They’d be wasted here. They sleep on the big bed, unless we’re in the living room, where the sofa and the new freecycle papasan chair will do. They’re big fans of the domestication concept.