I am once again, kicking myself that I didn’t think of this first:
Toast Appears on Jesus Christ.
Hmmmm, here’s a thought: why doesn’t Jesus ever appear on matzoh? Or a communion wafer? That would make more sense. One thing’s for sure though: He’d never appear on French toast.
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The original BA site (with the Moon Hoax debunking, movie reviews, and all that) can be found here.
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April 3rd, 2008 at 12:18 pm
The best one was where someone claimed to have saw the big bang on toast.
http://www.satireandcomment.com/0208toast.html
April 3rd, 2008 at 12:18 pm
I think its a Fig Newton.
April 3rd, 2008 at 12:40 pm
why doesnâ??t Jesus ever appear on matzoh?
Because he was Lutheran! Like, duh!
April 3rd, 2008 at 12:53 pm
why doesn’t Jesus ever appear on matzoh?
I guess he’s still pissed off at the Jews.
No, I didn’t just say that. Move along and forget you saw it.
BTW, wasn’t long hair like that a punishable crime around much of the Middle East around the time of Jesus? Or did I dream that?
April 3rd, 2008 at 12:54 pm
WWTD?
April 3rd, 2008 at 12:55 pm
WJMon:
“Because he was Lutheran! Like, duh!”
What. That’s the stupidest thing I every heard. Everyone knows he was the first catholic.
April 3rd, 2008 at 12:59 pm
oops, that should be Catholic, big C.
@Spiv:
“What Would Thor Do?” (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0073.html)
April 3rd, 2008 at 12:59 pm
If you act with kindness and say your prayers before you go to bed, you’ll wake up with jesus crust.
April 3rd, 2008 at 1:01 pm
WWTD: Oh, and it also contains a bit concerning Trans Fat. I think we have a theme today! (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0073.html)
April 3rd, 2008 at 1:23 pm
Well, not French Toast, but certainly Freedom Toast!
April 3rd, 2008 at 1:41 pm
@ Q.D.–
Long hair would have been fine had Jesus taken a Nazirite vow or something. Of course, he wouldn’t have been partaking of anything of the grapevine, either.
April 3rd, 2008 at 1:43 pm
Oh! And in an attempt to offend two entire religious communities, would the idea of “stripes” and “piercings” on both matzot and Jesus’ person do the trick…?
April 3rd, 2008 at 1:46 pm
[hijack]I’m in discussion with my repub/gwd/fundie sister and I need the link that someone posted here a couple months back that stated, along the lines of, “if you accept these four premises than you accept (A)GW”.[/hijack]
April 3rd, 2008 at 2:07 pm
Both Jesus and Allah appeared in my bathroom the other day. The thing looked like a crucifix with something that looked like Arabic handwriting, I don’t know. It must have had a meaning. Too bad I flushed it away, but we have holy sewers now.
Oh, it was soap fume, in case some might be offended and want to burn pictures of me. Well, at least it looked like soap fume. Now I think of it, it must have been the sign sign of Holy Soap too.
April 3rd, 2008 at 2:16 pm
This just goes to show how closed mined you people are. First you claim that there is no God and that people can’t prove that He exist, then when He goes through all the trouble of popping up on a corn chip or grilled cheese sandwich in order to demonstrate His greatness, you only scoff. This proves the closed mindedness of the science religion.
(before I get flamed, that’s all in jest…)
April 3rd, 2008 at 2:19 pm
*hoots* Now that is hilarious! A great reversal of the usual kookiness.
April 3rd, 2008 at 2:55 pm
Not long ago something spilled over in my microwave in the shape of Mickey Mouse. Does that mean that Mickey is the one true god? I didn’t think so.
April 3rd, 2008 at 3:32 pm
[...] Bad Astronomy Blog) Technorati Tags: atheist, atheism Share This Popularity: 1% [...]
April 3rd, 2008 at 3:50 pm
The guy is a worst photoshopper than me…
April 3rd, 2008 at 4:23 pm
My girlfriend gave me a “holy toaster” for my birthday last year. It produces toast with either the image of Jesus, the word for Allah, the jin-jang symbol, or (as a special home-made gift) the sacred image of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
Does this mean all my toast is e-bay worth?
April 3rd, 2008 at 4:30 pm
@Sanityon 03 Apr 2008 at 4:23 pm
Sorry, it has been replaced by Shiva Server. Islam and Christianity are just mods.
April 3rd, 2008 at 4:36 pm
Hm-m, when I was in college, during the in ’60s, early 70′s, I subscribed to Time Magazine. God was proclaimed dead–according to the magazine. Then, God died again–was it in the late 80s. Maybe the 90s? Time Magazine again. Who can remember? I sure wish they’d decide. Sure enough, expect God to die again in 20 or so years. Jeez, the ol’ guy simply doesn’ adhere to Time’s proclamations, or maybe the magazine’s latest intellectual, wanna-be advocate of death.
The damnest thing, the whole concept of religious faith, whichever one a person holds, simply doesn’t go away by profound words of a magazine well past its prime nor by those who have such profound knowledge that only to the person in the mirror holds it dear.
I was in the “hard” sciences until I retired; had a strong background from an elite liberal university with uber-liberal professors. I believe in evolution, the Big Bang, et al. Yet, I am a Christian. So who gives a flip?
Folks, don’t waste you time on the unresolvable. I use the time I have remaining to bettering the marvelous freedoms we Americans have, and which you cannot imagine, unless you’ve lived in a socialist country for nine years as I did.
My never-so-humble advice is to chill out and think of the really big picture, i.e., if you can possibly tear yourself away from the mediocrity which engulfs you. Christ, I couldn’t 40 years ago, how can you?
April 3rd, 2008 at 4:43 pm
Found on the web:
The miracle of Eten, Peru, for instance, began on June 2, 1649. That night, as Fr. Jèrome Silva was about to replace the monstrance in the tabernacle, he saw in the host the image of a child with thick brown curls that fell to his shoulders. He held the host up to show the image to those present. They all agreed that it was an image of the Christ Child.
A second apparition took place the following month. During the exhibition of the Eucharist, the Child Jesus appeared again in the host, dressed in a purple habit over a shirt that covered his chest, as was the custom of the local Indians, the Mochicas. It was felt at the time that the divine Child wanted to show his love for the Mochicas. During this apparition, which lasted about fifteen minutes, many people also saw in the host three small white hearts, thought to symbolize the three Persons of the Holy Trinity. The celebration in honor of the Miraculous Child of Eten still attracts thousands of people to Peru each year.
One of the more recent verified miracles was of a similar nature. It began on April 28, 2001, in Trivandrum, India. Fr. Johnson Karoor was saying Mass when he saw three dots on the consecrated host. He stopped reciting the prayers and stared at the Eucharist. He then invited those at Mass to look, and they also saw the dots. He asked the faithful to remain in prayer, and he placed the Holy Eucharist in the tabernacle.
At Mass on May 5, Fr. Karoor again noticed an image on the host, this time a human face. During adoration, the figure became more clear. Fr. Karoor later explained: “I didn’t have the strength to speak anything to the faithful. I stood aside for some time. I couldn’t control my tears. We had the practice of reading Scripture and reflecting on it during adoration. The passage that I got that day as I opened the Bible was John 20:24–29, Jesus appearing to St. Thomas and asking him to see his wounds.” Fr. Karoor called a photographer to take photos. They can be seen on the Internet at http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-religion/988409/posts.
April 3rd, 2008 at 5:05 pm
Surely Phil is toasting our faith.
April 3rd, 2008 at 5:15 pm
This one just begs for an “In Soviet Russia…” joke.
April 3rd, 2008 at 5:16 pm
Maybe Jesus is sayiny we’re toast.
April 3rd, 2008 at 5:49 pm
Apropos something entirely different, the European Space Agency today managed to dock the [url=http://www.esa.int/esaCP/SEMORO5QGEF_index_0.html]Jules Verne[/url] to the International Space Station. A third “Earth-to-space transport company” can now be said to have arrived.
Being a European I rejoice at the achievement. Being an Earthling, I rejoice at the addition of a new extra choice of Carrier away from this egg basket.
April 3rd, 2008 at 5:55 pm
I wonder why his face never appeared on mars , being he omnipresent .
April 3rd, 2008 at 6:21 pm
How about that recent story, I think from India. A number of people thought they could see the Madonna when looking directly at the Sun. The local hospital thought it strange when they received a sudden influx of blind people.
April 3rd, 2008 at 7:19 pm
“In Soviet Russia, the toast butters you!”
April 3rd, 2008 at 8:51 pm
The term “God is Dead” was a statement about our no longer needing to believe in a great sky fairy however,,,It’s also a provable dicta, as in “Well Duh! Of course the dudes dead. He’s a flipping SPIRIT.”
,,,or maybe it’s another DeadHead pun,,,
GAry 7
April 3rd, 2008 at 10:46 pm
grnwave71, may I say *you* should chill out. No one has to equate the relinquishing of childhood fairy tales with living in a “scary” socialist society. It’s OK, most educated people (hopefully) understand that religious yearnings fulfill emotional needs. Doesn’t mean it’s real. So, it’s resolvable.
April 3rd, 2008 at 10:48 pm
You got it all wrong, Walt Disney was god, Mickey Mouse was his son sent to us on earth to… ehrm.. I’m not sure where to go with this one…
April 3rd, 2008 at 11:09 pm
So is this a bunch of 27 year old guys who can’t get laid?
April 4th, 2008 at 1:52 am
The best comment on that site:
“Clearly, this image is saying that unless you belive, you’re toast. Unless you can butter God up, you’ll be in a jam.”
Baaahhahahahahaa.
April 4th, 2008 at 6:41 am
Que?
April 4th, 2008 at 6:52 am
@Douglas Watts I take offense. I’m 45.
April 4th, 2008 at 8:18 am
All depends on which side we lay our butter!
April 4th, 2008 at 8:51 am
Darth Robo:”All depends on which side we lay our butter!”
So if dropped toast always land butter-side down, does the Christ side aways face up?
April 4th, 2008 at 9:21 am
It’s a sign unto us, calling us to perform the Holy Sacraments of the Time Warp, the Hot Patootie, and to worship at the Altar of the Sweet Transvestite. Let there be Toast!
April 4th, 2008 at 11:19 am
I think it shows that he ended up toast. So maybe seeing Jeebus in a toast is a sign that devil worshipers got it right.
Seeing Virgin Mary in a hot dream would make Douglas right tho’.
April 4th, 2008 at 11:19 am
aiabxon
It’s a sign unto us, calling us to perform the Holy Sacraments of the Time Warp, the Hot Patootie, and to worship at the Altar of the Sweet Transvestite. Let there be Toast!
Hmmm… a toast reference I didn’t think of….
but it does bring a different view of Hillary Clinton saying she’s like
‘Rocky’
J/P=?
April 4th, 2008 at 1:21 pm
Torbjorn posts:
[[I think it shows that he ended up toast. So maybe seeing Jeebus in a toast is a sign that devil worshipers got it right. ]]
Yeah. I mean, look at how many other things they got right — torturing young women to death, cutting breasts off wives of Chicago Cubs pitchers, killing houses full of people. Obviously they’re way more admirable than people who see patterns in household objects.
April 4th, 2008 at 6:30 pm
“So if dropped toast always land butter-side down, does the Christ side always face up?”
That’s between him and his God.
April 4th, 2008 at 9:59 pm
For the fans ;0D
http://www.newcomensengine.com/2008/04/cant-we-all-just-get-along.html
April 4th, 2008 at 10:35 pm
Do you really want to go that way? Then clearly Jeebus worshipers got it right as well – the sexual mutilations, the crusades, the inquisition, the continuing support of various dictators, the ever popular pedophilia, the abortion and contraceptive resistance.
Of course I don’t support devil worshipers over any other religion – they have the same type of traditions as, say, Jeebus worshipers.
April 5th, 2008 at 1:45 am
Then, God died again–
Well, He is very accident prone.
April 5th, 2008 at 6:29 am
I think I need incontinence pants… I’ve not laughed so much since Wile E. Coyote attempted to shoot himself out of a bow!
April 5th, 2008 at 9:08 am
“Of course I don’t support devil worshipers over any other religion – they have the same type of traditions as, say, Jeebus worshipers.”
True. It’s the same religion. You can’t worship the bogeyman of one religion unless you first accept that religion. Devil worship is a branch of the original religion it claims any allegiances to. In particular, it’s a form of one of the three Abrahamics.
April 5th, 2008 at 12:35 pm
Here, I actually put some effort (and Photoshop madskills) into this image: http://www.mediamax.com/ummosirius/Hosted/Jesus%20toast%20copy.jpg
April 6th, 2008 at 5:35 pm
I saw an image of the IPU appear on the surface of my miso soup once. It was hard to see because the image was invisible, but still I could see a pink glow. Blessed be her horn!
April 8th, 2008 at 6:12 am
Torbjorn L says:
[[***Yeah. I mean, look at how many other things they got right — torturing young women to death, cutting breasts off wives of Chicago Cubs pitchers, killing houses full of people. ***
Do you really want to go that way? Then clearly Jeebus worshipers got it right as well - the sexual mutilations, the crusades, the inquisition, the continuing support of various dictators, the ever popular pedophilia, the abortion and contraceptive resistance.
What is the frequency of violent behavior among devil worshippers as opposed to Christians? And what is the "sexual mutilation" Christians commit? Are you thinking of African muslims? As for abortion and contraceptive resistance, I was an escort at clinics in Pittsburgh -- what have you done to uphold freedom of choice?
[[Of course I don’t support devil worshipers over any other religion - they have the same type of traditions as, say, Jeebus worshipers.]]
At least they can spell “Jesus,” anyway.
July 4th, 2008 at 1:36 am
well first of ll mickey mous was never real he was a gu in a costume and a cartoon!!! jeus lived and that is in fine writin!!