My friend (and he’s on probation after this) Dan Durda sent me a link to The 50 Worst Album Covers. That’s a grandiose claim, but man — I’m thinking they nailed it.
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| Which of us truly has not been in exactly this situation? |
Now I have to wonder if some are real: Number 41 is stolen from The Simpsons (Milhouse’s father sang that song, so I wonder which art is imitating the other art). And c’mon, Number 27 is just plain true. Number 46 is funny on purpose, too, so I don’t think it counts.
But the rest… yikes. Click that link at your own risk.
… and a note to my sister: recognize that weird clown thing over her shoulder in that picture?
May 14th, 2008 at 8:48 pm
OK, a sigh of relief that I’ve never ever ever ever ever owned (or even seen) any of these albums.
My personal favorites:
Understand Your Swede
Trapalhadas do Balsino
The Invisible Story
Julie’s Sixteenth Birthday
May 14th, 2008 at 8:54 pm
Ah, the memories!
May 14th, 2008 at 8:56 pm
The Julie’s Sixteenth Birthday cover is creepy. (#50)
May 14th, 2008 at 8:59 pm
Phil,
You do not have the credentials to have an opinion on album covers. Are you Don Kirshner? Do you even know Roger Dean?
Didn’t think so.
Stick to debunking antivaxxers and leave the pop culture to the professionals.
Oh yeah, and your astrology stuff, too. You can do that if you want.
May 14th, 2008 at 9:01 pm
Yikes!! that last one #50, Will I’m with you, that´s just not right.
May 14th, 2008 at 9:06 pm
Actually, #17 is a pretty good record, though it’s been 30 years since I’ve heard it, and I didn’t remember the cover was so awful.
May 14th, 2008 at 9:08 pm
Electric Amish! (Where is Weird Al when you need him?)
May 14th, 2008 at 9:11 pm
That lady with no hands playing the organ is just soooo wrong on so many levels.
The babes on the construction machine was a actually a good photo for an album. And the Expose Yourself to Cajun Music was actually kinda of funny.
The black-n-white album with the guy and the sock-puppet was hilarious though. The one with the title All My Friends Are Dead is simply the most depressing title imaginable. Apparently album cover art wasn’t that big of a thing to worry about back in the 50s, 60s, and 70s because I have to admit, most of the album covers from those times are that special to begin with. Sure, some were odd and amusing, but some of them look like a third-rate photographer setup the pictures and put 10-seconds worth of imagination into them.
May 14th, 2008 at 9:15 pm
The Electric Amish are really very funny. They hail from near my old stomping grounds here in Indiana. If you listen to Bob & Tom, then you can occasionally hear their cutting-edge Amish/Mennonite tunes.
Speaking of-
Q: How do you keep an Amish girl happy?
A: Two Mennonite.
May 14th, 2008 at 9:19 pm
I am so glad that I’m not old enough to ever have seen any of those. The worst I can confess to owning is Tiffany’s first (only?) album. Oh, and maybe an album with a Rick Astley song on it. Both on tape, too, not LP.
May 14th, 2008 at 9:30 pm
At least two of the covers are obvious parodies. 8 (Electric Amish and “A Hard Day’s Work) being a take off of the Beatle’s “Let it Be” and “A Hard Day’s Night” and 24 (Sour Cream & Other Delights) from Herb Alpert’s “Whipped Cream and Other Delights” which included a delectable model dressed in not much more than whipped cream. Regardless of the musical quality of the contents, these two really don’t merit the scorn rightfully heaped on the much more earnest efforts that dominate the rest of the list. I found the Liberace wannabe Mike Terry (42) to be particularly repulsive.
May 14th, 2008 at 9:44 pm
Yes at least two are fakes.
The Herb Alpert parody (#24)made me drop my macbook.
I have seen a few of there in real life. I remember Mr Goodbody (#30) was a big deal when i was back in elementary school. I was so thrill to see him at the Turino olympics a few years ago in the opening ceremony.
May 14th, 2008 at 9:48 pm
Yeah… 39 and 41 look like Photoshop creations to me…
If any of you are interested in checking out some more (note that some are decidedly NSFW) there is a much larger collection here:
http://www.coverbrowser.com/covers/worst-album-covers
The second page has some religious ones that you may enjoy… i especially like this one:
http://www.coverbrowser.com/image/worst-album-covers/70-1.jpg
May 14th, 2008 at 9:52 pm
Herb Alpert’s “Whipped Cream and Other Delights”
Thanks, Eta! I thought that looked familiar. My parents owned that one. Some of these are truly creepy, like “Julie’s Sixteenth Birthday” and Chicken’s “Coupe Deville” which includes the smash hit, “I Seen Her First!” *throws up in mouth a little*
May 14th, 2008 at 9:54 pm
and I should add that Millie Jackson’s album cover on that page is the absolute worst one of them all… no contest…
May 14th, 2008 at 10:18 pm
Ah yes, the whipped cream. I love that cover. I saw it a few months back at a vintage place and I had to laugh. My Dad had it, I think.
And as far as having an opinion on album covers:
Well, I’m a trained musician, able to read music and do basic harmonizing. I have a passing familiarity with LP records, and how to think through an artist layout. I also have years of experience as a professional critic, you might say, in seeing through atrocious album covers.
May 14th, 2008 at 10:28 pm
“The Reverend In Rhythm” actually looks pretty cool.
“Understand Your’e Swede” looks pretty weird though. I guess that guy is supposed to be the outdoor-sy man of the house, but he could be just some stranger who shows up wearing daddy’s clothes wielding an axe and a surprise in the bag. But then again I’ve seen too many horror movies.
May 14th, 2008 at 10:42 pm
The Skeptic Friends had a lot of fun with some of these too. The first post on the following link has most of the covers removed (but they’re the same one’s Phil linked too above.) However, scroll way down to “Understand You’re Swede” which got a lot of funny comments from the Skeptics over there:
http://www.skepticfriends.org/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=8592
Then there’s this website:
http://www.bizarrerecords.com/gallery.html
I worked in radio years ago and remember some of these album covers tucked away on shelves in the back. Yikes!
May 14th, 2008 at 11:07 pm
As hilarious as most of these covers are, I can’t help thinking how great it is that the Voyager disk didn’t need a dust jacket. Definitely humor unique to this planet.
May 14th, 2008 at 11:19 pm
One cover just happened to stand out for me, number 19 Tommy Seebach. He was very big in Denmark at one point and represented Denmark on several occasions in the European Song Contest.
He he died a few years back but had a worldwide resurgence on YouTube with his rendition of the old Shadows hit “Apache”. It’s so kitsch that it’s cool.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GFGzGfym-7Y
May 14th, 2008 at 11:42 pm
Actually used to have at the radio station:
#26: Have Harp Can’t Travel by the Stanley Johnson Orchestra
(#35: Thanks for the Dove – I think I remember that in the ‘religious’ station’s collection)
I remember (even have) some promotional albums, like the Hammond Organ one….
J/P=?
May 14th, 2008 at 11:45 pm
I’m not sure these sites are a display of the the worst ablum covers…or the worst albums conceptually to make it to vinyl. Either way…I found the exercise more disturbing than funny – as in, “I may not be able to sleep tonight,” disturbing.
May 15th, 2008 at 12:28 am
Here are a few more for your viewing pleasure:
My faves–the VW-Wagner cover and the space cadets on the cover of the Holst album!
http://musicology.typepad.com/dialm/2007/12/im-wasting-time.html
May 15th, 2008 at 2:24 am
ugh…..My parents have at least 4 of those (the sour cream one haunted me as a child, as I rooted through mom-and-dad’s record collection looking for Beatles records). When I was learning (by ear) how to play the piano as a kid, I’m fairly certain that the Mike Terry one was one of the few piano-themed records at my disposal.
I also find it interesting how our culture has trained anyone to associate an older person getting along with a teenaged-girl (#50) with something that might be seen on Chris Hansen (the girl’s morose expression doesn’t help matters much either).
eww.
May 15th, 2008 at 3:44 am
I was just thinking maybe a “Death from the Skys”, heavy metal CD with Pat Robertson rants “sang” by a Fat German, might be a good idea,
then it occurred to me that you(BA) had forgotten one death threat, from space, and that was the God Channel. In Europe, that bounces of Eurobird, and some of the other geostationary satellites, in space.
May 15th, 2008 at 4:26 am
Eeewww :-< While of them are funny, others are disturbing and some are just stoooopid. Kind of reminds me of David Letterman and his record collections segments
My objection: they are old self-released albums by humble artists. Where are the disasters that were released by known artists (whatever surfaced during the disco era)? How about the records made by the likes of Jimmy Swaggart (”out and touch the Lord” – yeah right!)?
Just think how todays over-Photoshop-ed cover arts will be the laughed at in the years to come :-/
May 15th, 2008 at 5:37 am
Number 17 (A Rainbow in Curved Air by Terry Riley) provided much of the background music in the original Hitchhiker’s Guide radio series.
May 15th, 2008 at 5:48 am
Come on, Chip, get it right. It’s “Understand Your’e Swede”.
And folks, just because a few of these covers were takeoffs on much better known albums doesn’t mean they’re fake. The Electric Amish and Whipped Cream covers don’t seem like hoaxes to me, just whimsical.
Does anybody else think “Joyce” (#25) either inspired, or was inspired by, Tootsie?
May 15th, 2008 at 5:55 am
Two other quick observations:
What’s with all the ventriloquists?
I really, really want to hear the title song on “Julie’s Sixteenth Birthday”… but I’m also very afraid to.
May 15th, 2008 at 6:24 am
I actually like 26 and 27
May 15th, 2008 at 6:37 am
I went blind at number 12 (”Ken- by Request Only”). Are the others bad?
May 15th, 2008 at 8:48 am
Another Electric Amish fan.
Apparently whoever composed the list doesn’t ‘get’ them. The album cover is perfect.
If you aren’t familiar with the Electric Amish – a similar vein to Hayseed Dixie (AC/DC bluegrass covers).
May 15th, 2008 at 9:11 am
Phil, thank you for posting this. I laughed ’till I cried, and then I sent it on to all my friends with an ironic sense of culture.
May 15th, 2008 at 9:21 am
Electric Amish!
Actually, that’s one of a few I felt were *supposed* to be silly. C’mon, the donkey in the hat was brilliant! It’s a parody of this:
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/e/e6/HardDayUK.jpg
or this, perhaps:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:A_Hard_Days_night_movieposter.jpg
My favorite is #14, Space Escapade. Ah, the Gernsback continuum, where men wore pressure overalls and women wore form fitting space leotards. And, no, that rocket shop silhouette in the background isn’t phallic at all.
May 15th, 2008 at 9:56 am
Shazbut, Donnie B… you beat me to the Tootsie reference for #25.
I think I dated the girl from #2 a long, long time ago. Man could she give one hell of a massage.
But I had to break it off… she was all hands, ya know?
May 15th, 2008 at 10:24 am
According to Mentalfloss #41 is real
http://www.mentalfloss.com/blogs/archives/9374
May 15th, 2008 at 11:01 am
They are probably all real…
May 15th, 2008 at 11:37 am
Isn’t that Will Smith in #44?
May 15th, 2008 at 2:32 pm
Two words Melton Levy and the Dey Brothers.
@Greg E, keeping Sturgeon’s law in mind, remember that in the ’50s, ’60s and ’70s, album covers were 12″ x 12″ which is another way of saying that everything was better then.
Also, Sour Cream and other delights is my new windows background.
May 15th, 2008 at 2:52 pm
This list is incomplete without Devastatin’ Dave (the Turntable Slave)’s Zip Zap Rap. Egh. (Just do a GIS on “Zip Zap Rap”, I’m sure it’ll turn up.)
May 15th, 2008 at 2:59 pm
I like the Tommy Seebach Cannibal Corpse cover
heh,
http://youtube.com/watch?v=I2PzagXsD0Y
May 15th, 2008 at 5:07 pm
A couple of questions:
#5 Don & Seymour-How can someone play guitar and operate a puppet at the same time? I guess that’s why it’s on a record, but what about the live act?
And #4 Orion Reborn…wow….how does…why is he…whose idea…oh never mind.
And #10 Steve Warren Reflection…that’s just scary.
May 15th, 2008 at 5:24 pm
Oh yeah, 37 & 39 (Skidrow Joe Bravo & Chicken Coupe Deville) are just classic. Now I want to record an album just so I can have a picture of myself dumpster-diving as the cover.
I love #34 too-Manfred sings Love Songs….with a new accent. Heck of a selling point there. I keep hearing Pepe LePew in my head, “ooh la la, my amor, will you come with me to ze casbahhhh?
And last of all, Thank You for the Dove. It was delicious.
May 15th, 2008 at 6:34 pm
I was surprised that I did not see (The Artist Formerly Known as) Prince’s “Lovesexy”, nor that Blind Faith album with the almost-teenage red-haired girl on the front. But then, I only reached the high thirties before I had to take a break, so they may be there, for all I know.
May 15th, 2008 at 8:15 pm
Greg E says: “That lady with no hands playing the organ is just soooo wrong on so many levels.”
But it is a miracle of God!
- Jack
May 15th, 2008 at 8:29 pm
sirjonsnow says: “I actually like 26 and 27″
I dig #27!
- Jack
May 16th, 2008 at 11:47 am
C’mon Phil, *everyone’s* Dad had Whipped Cream and Other Delights and all of them professed to being hard-core Herb Alpert fans.
It did seem to get rather a large amount of playtime in our house though…
May 22nd, 2008 at 12:47 pm
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