http://www.apple.com/trailers/lions_gate/religulous/

Jesus didn’t turn water into wine. He turned it into Tunguska Blast, but no one understood what that was, so he just called it wine.

But that’s stuff reportedly nasty. He wouldn’t have been lauded as a messiah; he would’ve been run out of town as a demon or warlock or something… then again, it’d make Golgotha make a whole lot more sense.

“What? We have to choose between Barabbas and that Jesus guy who turned that perfectly good water at that wedding into Tunguska Blast?”

“Yeah, that wedding was ruined. Two young people’s lives just completely getting off on the wrong foot already! This cannot stand!”

As for Matt…

God the Father sends God the Son, who is Himself, down to Earth to live, suffer, and die to save the humanity made in His image from the sins they committed in a universe He allowed sin to exist in (and, as He created everything, He created sin) and thus saved them from His eternal wrath through what can best be described as a sociologically implemented extroverted suicide-by-cop.

Assuming everything to work exactly as I was told it did in Bible school, God really needs to have one hell of a sense of humor just to live with Himself (although it could quite possibly be a very low sense of humor).

You should have a closer look at the Bible. Read the story in its full context and you would know that Jesus DID turn the water into grape juice, not fermented wine.

The greek word translated “wine” is “oinos” (sp?) This word can mean either fermented OR unfermented grape juice. The percise meaning must be determined from the context. This event happened at a wedding celebration. To the Jews of the time, a wedding feast was considered a holy feast, and as such, fermented drink was forbidden, since fermentation is used in the Bible as a symbol of sin. Therefore is Jesus had turned the water into fermented drink, there would have been an uproar. Since there was not, it must have been unfermented grape juice.

Whoever’s using the haddock, can I have it next? Somebody needs to be fish-slapped.

Where in that literal interpretation of the Bible of yours does it prohibit you from having a sense of humor?

Well, the general prohibition against having fun tends to lead to a complete lack of humor as a consequence. So, it’s more of a side effect rather than a rule.

I just watched the documentary “Jesus Camp” where they were telling kids that Harry Potter, if he had been in the Bible, would have been put to death for being a warlock. Wheeeeee! Fun! :-\

In all seriousness, though, the reasoning you quote is plain bonkers.

Not to mention the Church has made major contributions to beer and wine over the centuries.

Dom Pérignon, anyone? An advocate of Pinot Noir three centuries before the movie Sideways.

I’ve seen some of the women-astromomers on various Discovery Channel programs and I’d dance with any of them. On second thought, I’d dance with all of’em.

You lucky dog…

At a time when Christian fundamentalist are trying to take over our government and schools, tolerance is hardly called for. Fighting back is definitely called for.

Ass for Bad Jim’s statement, the falacy there is that drinking is a sin. This isn’t in the bible. What would could be interpreted as a sin is to be “drunk with wine.” And even then it isn’t mentioned outright to my study of scripture. It’s only used in the context of “do not be drunk with wine, but be filled with the spirit.”

Actually, it kinda looks like a very skeptical Charlie Brown.

O RLY???

http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/custom/religion/chi-skokie-bark-05-jun05,0,559022.story

How could anyone mock the notion of a god who has Himself horribly murdered in order to save his own creation from His own divine wrath?

The joke about grape juice may be related to the notion, popular among some evangelicals groups, that the wine mentioned in the New Testament was non-alcoholic. The logic seems to be that, since drinking is a sin, and Jesus was without sin, that such wine must therefore have been merely grape juice.

Er … is drinking one of the seven deadly sins, or one of the ten commandments…?

Let’s see … Wrath, Pride, Lust, Envy, Sloth, Gluttony… oh, darnit I forgot the seventh. Dopey! That was it.

Hmmm, I don’t recall a “thou shan’t get bladdered of a Saturday night” in the ten commandments either.

In all seriousness, though, the reasoning you quote is plain bonkers. Around the 1st century CE, it was actually safer to drink wine than to drink water. Which is one of the reasons that trappist monks all across northern Europe became so adept at brewing beer.

perhaps its smiling cuase it know its not going to be juiced, think anout it, what a way to go — squish =

Either you karate do “yes” or karate do “no.” You karate do “guess so,” …

Sentator: Space Goals Unclear

All your mockery of Christ (not just christians you have a prob with anymore, now it appears you’re graduating and moving on to bashing/making fun of christ himself), you do realize your anti-christ persona is rather unbecoming.

Dr. Who would be ashamed– ;^|