Roger Ebert, the movie critic, got sent a letter that proves evolution to be true. It evokes the age-old question: What Would Darwin Eat?
I should note that I myself have been known to eat things in weird ways. I love peeling the chocolate sandwich part off ice cream sandwiches and eating them first. However, you have to be careful to leave a little bit so you can hold the vanilla bar without it slipping.
More apropos to the letter sent to Ebert, I actually like to pop a few M&Ms into my mouth and then peel them with my teeth. The slightly larger lump of chocolate this creates tastes better than an individual M&M. Try it. And I’m still ticked at Mars Snackfoods, Inc. because they don’t make the bigger M&Ms anymore. Those rocked.
And maybe I’d better stop there. You have no desire to see me eat a chicken leg. I’ve seen devoted carnivores turn away.
Tip o’ the jack-o-lantern to BABloggee and devoted skeptic Cate. Very NSFW link, BTW.
November 3rd, 2008 at 1:12 pm
Cute letter. I eat M&Ms (and Smarties) the same way as you though, without the whole survival of the fittest thing. But Pop Tarts is where I get weird. I crack off all four sides, then eat the unfrosted back… leaving the yummy frosted side covered in the gooey center. I do the same thing with wafer-type chocolate bars (like a Kit-Kat) – eat off all the chocolate sides leaving the wafer for last.
Darn it.. now I’m getting hungry.
November 3rd, 2008 at 1:17 pm
I used to crush peanut M&Ms together and pretend they were planets colliding (peanut core, chocolate mantle, sugar crust).
November 3rd, 2008 at 1:19 pm
I do the same with M&M’s…
November 3rd, 2008 at 1:24 pm
Don’t know what Darwin would eat, but I do know that he invented the office chair with caster wheels as we know it today. If you don’t believe me just visit Down House in Downe where he worked on his master pieces, it’s now a museum dedicated to Darwin.
We had a lovely Cream Tea there and do you know what? I think that just might be what he would have today.
November 3rd, 2008 at 1:28 pm
That is a very old story – I remember reading it years ago. It has been around for ages – and I think of it every time I buy a bag.
JC
November 3rd, 2008 at 1:28 pm
Ditto on the ice cream sandwich method.
November 3rd, 2008 at 1:31 pm
Technically, this sounds more like ID.
November 3rd, 2008 at 1:36 pm
Annette, interesting. We happen to have Pop Tarts here at chez BA (the whole grain ones are actually pretty good). Time for experimenting. Science!
November 3rd, 2008 at 1:41 pm
“Very NSFW link, BTW.”
How so? I saw nothing to potentially get me fired.
Just curious…
November 3rd, 2008 at 1:42 pm
Hilarious link!
I don’t know why, but I enjoy reading about how other people eat, even if I wouldn’t necessarily enjoy watching them eat.
I eat M&M’s differently from Smarties (which I haven’t seen in the US now that I think about it, maybe because I haven’t looked). M&Ms go straight down normally, and I only go for peanut, though regular will do in a pinch. Smarties on the other hand… For some reason I dissolve the sugar coating in my mouth before actually consuming the chocolate.
Milk and cookies I do weird too. I eat the cookies without any dunking. I go through ALL the cookies I’ve set out first, and get myself good and thirsty- THEN I drink the glass of cold milk all at once, no stopping for air.
Apples- I eat the whole thing except for the stem. I add salt to green apples to enhance the sourness.
I could go on and on…
November 3rd, 2008 at 1:42 pm
Okay, I just found the second link. Disregard my itchy typing fingers…
November 3rd, 2008 at 1:52 pm
Interesting! I have to eat M&Ms in matching colored pairs followed by any mismatched pairs, and only in even numbered handfuls. Having this particular quirk makes me thankful that OCD only appears for me certain circumstances. It also makes me really sympathetic for those whose life is affected everyday in every way by OCD.
November 3rd, 2008 at 2:03 pm
This article brought this strange Craiglist announcement to mind: http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/tpa/409930561.html
“Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels. “
November 3rd, 2008 at 2:05 pm
I’m starting to think that the link I posted is the same letter that Mr. Ebert received, but I can’t tell because the link is not working right now.
November 3rd, 2008 at 2:10 pm
Speaking of chicken, I recently noticed that when I eat buffalo wings, I always hold them the same way (i.e. thin end with my left, fat end with my right). If I pick one up the opposite way, I’ll flip it before I eat it.
This is all entirely subconscious. When I first noticed, I tried eating one the other way and it felt really weird.
November 3rd, 2008 at 2:22 pm
Tortoises.
November 3rd, 2008 at 2:24 pm
Adrian, oh my gosh you’re right! Now that you mention it I do the exact same thing with chicken wings. Its nearly impossible for me to have them flipped around.
I’m going to be so conscious of everything I eat tonight now.
November 3rd, 2008 at 2:24 pm
That’s my favorite way to eat an ice-cream sandwich as well. Gotta leave that finger-hold piece!
November 3rd, 2008 at 2:46 pm
The question now is this: What evolution experiments can we do to earn our half-pound of M&M’s?
November 3rd, 2008 at 2:48 pm
The next time you are at a hamburger joint, watch the folks who have just sat down with their hamburger. Most people won’t just dive in. They will rotate the burger looking for a place to start, and then begin. People don’t even know they are doing it either.
November 3rd, 2008 at 3:01 pm
Jack C,
You are right, it went around as an email forward years ago (see my name link for an example), which probably explains the lack of identifying information the “author” sent to Ebert.
PS. I’m surprised to hear about so many eating quirks, I’ll be self conscious now looking for quirkiness in my own eating habits.
November 3rd, 2008 at 3:06 pm
M&Ms: I eat them in such a way as to keep the number of each color the same, as much as possible. When I’m down to only one of each color, I eat them in such an order that the remaining set has the most esthetically pleasing color scheme. Usually the last to go is red or orange, but I’m not obsessive about it… heh.
November 3rd, 2008 at 3:22 pm
I also eat Smarties (dissolve coating) differently than M&Ms (crack, peel). I like Smarties better, though the peanut M&Ms are my favourite of that genre of candy.
November 3rd, 2008 at 3:41 pm
I tend to break off the candy coating of the M&M’s, too so that the chocolate melts in my mouth. And for apples, I also eat everything except the stem. Also, I have a feeling that Phil and my husband eat chicken legs in much the same way…
November 3rd, 2008 at 3:50 pm
When I was younger, I used to scrape all of the pizza toppings off including cheese, and eat the crust separate.
November 3rd, 2008 at 3:54 pm
Thanks Wayne – I don’t think anyone else even noticed
– though RinzeWind posted an old CraigsList link. I found that one dated 2007.
I can’t remember the first time I read it – but I think it was somewhat less than 8 years ago. I could be wrong – my memory is getting vague in some things. Around that time though, I used to have these HUGE bags of M&Ms – and a friend would come over and eat most of them. I believe he was the one that originally showed me the letter. That would have been early 2002-ish or so.
One thing I like to do with M&Ms is eat them with hot (black) tea. I take an M&M or two in the mouth, and a sip of tea – which melts the coating and sweetens the tea, and once swallowed, leaves some nicely softened and much more aromatic chocolate behind.
Yum.
JC
November 3rd, 2008 at 3:56 pm
I’ve once known someone who would stick the entire chicken leg in their mouth, and pull it out clean. Is that what you guys are talking about? Cause it’s not that bad.
November 3rd, 2008 at 4:07 pm
Well, as M&M’s get warm, the chocolate in side them melts, and they become easier to crack. So, the new M&M would always have an advantage over the previously tested one, which has been warmed slightly by the hand.
November 3rd, 2008 at 4:16 pm
@The Chemist
I eat M&M’s differently from Smarties, which I haven’t seen in the US now that I think about it
I’ll bet you’ve seen them. It’s just that American Smarties and Euro Smarties are two entirely different candies.
November 3rd, 2008 at 4:58 pm
Ice cream sandwiches? You Americans are weird.
(Gotta go, time for my deep-fried Mars bar…)
November 3rd, 2008 at 4:59 pm
Phil,
I can see that we’re going to have to go out for chicken at AAS this year…
November 3rd, 2008 at 5:46 pm
I may have to post a new one over this, but watch commercials where people eat hamburgers. They put their thumbs under it, and the other four fingers on top. It’s the most unnatural way to eat a burger. Then, when they put it down, they set it right-side up on the plate.
The natural movement is to flip it over so it’s upside down. That’s what I do, because that’s how our arms and wrists work. I bet a lot of you do too, and never even noticed.
I could go on and on about human behavior in commercials. You’ll never see a young woman without a wedding ring, for example. And men who are slobs appear to always marry young, attractive women.
Grrr.
November 3rd, 2008 at 5:50 pm
I’ve noticed that, too, Phil. It’s very strange.
November 3rd, 2008 at 5:55 pm
That’s a very good and informative letter.
There is another large question however. Are M&Ms real chocolate candies or are they Kuiper Belt treats? They certainly aren’t “bars”.
Originally classified simply as a chocolate candy, M&Ms are now considered the most numerous members of a distinct population called Kuiper Belt Treats, though not to be confused with the Jelly Beans which, though similar in mass, are composed of completely different material.
November 3rd, 2008 at 6:10 pm
If I have pickle or cheese on a cracker, I always eat it upside down (pickle on my tongue) because that’s where my taste buds are. The pickle tastes better than the cracker, which is basically just a vector for getting the pickle into my mouth.
November 3rd, 2008 at 7:08 pm
Well, Phil, after our conversation today, I went and read the very first (most recent) post on your blog, and discover that, along with all the other stuff we have in common, we eat chicken the same way.
MBH (my better half) won’t watch me eat chicken or ribs, even after 26 years of marriage. She can’t handle it. As you know, I don’t leave enough on a bone for a dog.
Also, ice cream sandwiches! And the truly strange thing is, you were only eight years old when I went to college. You either were very impressionable as a child or our other brother and/or sister must have copied me, too. Hmm.
I don’t get the hamburger thing. Do you put your fingers under the burger? For me, it is VERY natural to have my thumbs under it, but I never thought about it. They do that in commercials so you can see the burger and notice how good it looks. Besides, only people on the other side of the equator would eat their burgers upside down. How silly!
November 3rd, 2008 at 8:43 pm
M&Ms must first be properly examined for cracked, deformed, or faded samples, which much be immediately ingested. It is then necessary to separate M&Ms by color and properly inventoried prior to further consumption. once the color group with the smallest population is identified, M&Ms are to be eaten individually from the more heavily populated color groups until a uniform distribution is achieved. at this point, the consumer is obligated to ingest the M&Ms in groups of 6 at a time, consisting of 1 of each color, until bag is completely depleted.
NO EXCEPTIONS.
November 3rd, 2008 at 10:08 pm
unwind a swiss cake roll some time-it feels like you have about four times more lardy dessert goodness.
November 3rd, 2008 at 10:47 pm
I have a copy of this M&M selection programme from October 1998, from the David Brin maillist that I was part of then. Perhaps it’s escaped as part of a 10th anniversary edition. (The wording is identical, so not too much mutation involved over the past ten years).
November 3rd, 2008 at 11:29 pm
The Barber of Civility: Besides, only people on the other side of the equator would eat their burgers upside down. How silly!
We also put beetroot in them!
November 3rd, 2008 at 11:32 pm
Jelly Beans are the comets of candy.
November 4th, 2008 at 12:24 am
Urgh, chicken leg. I’ve spent most of my life as a vego (due to the fact that my whole family is made of vegos), and only tried my first chicken leg a few months ago while on a camping trip with some friends. The problem is, I’ve seen too many zombie movies! Tearing flesh from the bone was freaking me out, it felt weird. I think it’s turned me off chicken!
November 4th, 2008 at 1:27 am
To Phil,
I do always put my burgers upside down between bites, but it has less to do with what “feels” natural and more to do with the fact that it keeps the (usually much thinner) bottom bun from becoming too soggy from the juicy burger goodness above. There’s nothing worse than a burger that you have to eat with only half a bun because the bottom bun became a pile of mush.
I like to eat the outside of the burger (and all sandwiches) first, all the way around, apparently to insure that the last bite (the one that leaves the final impression) isn’t just bun. This is repeated with steaks, gyros, hot dogs, and pop tarts. Interestingly enough, i do the opposite with pizza, especially thin crust.
November 4th, 2008 at 1:34 am
@Chris Owen
…but look at how happy the zombies look! There IS something to be said about chomping down on a huge turkey leg and feeling like Henry VIII. It just makes me want to wave my hand aimlessly and summon some entertainment, or maybe I’ve just seen too many movies…..
November 4th, 2008 at 3:17 am
Thomas said We also put beetroot in them!
And pineapple… and egg… mmm… hamburger with the lot… Australia’s contribution to burger cuisine.
November 4th, 2008 at 5:09 am
Ever eaten crab legs, Phil?
There’s a workout!
November 4th, 2008 at 9:00 am
I can still remember the first time our family had a fresh crab diner. By fresh I mean we went out and caught the crabs that day. My mom was tasked with cooking the still live crabs. While it was, I’m sure, traumatic for her, I can still hear my dad and uncle laughing that my mom was practicaly standing on the pot to keep the crabs in.
She won’t cook fresh crab or lobster to this day.
November 4th, 2008 at 12:21 pm
That M&Ms thing is old. I remember first seeing that essay in the mid 90s on a usenet humor group.
November 4th, 2008 at 12:30 pm
@Sir Struggle:
If you put a thin layer of mayonnaise, butter, or melted cheese on the bottom bun of your burger, the fats will act as a moisture barrier. This should inhibit sogification long enough for you to finish your tasty burger without the need to turn it upside down. I prefer mayo, as it mixes with the juices from the meat to make a delicious sauce.
November 4th, 2008 at 1:25 pm
Smarties in the States are Rockets in Canada. And being Canadian I feel obliged to prefer Smarties over M&M’s… but me likely the M&M’s better. I like to eat them in a bowl full of milk… or as a topping to Fruit Loops. You may all go throw up now.
November 4th, 2008 at 8:39 pm
I eat handfuls of m&m’s with jelly lollies (ie. snakes, jelly babies, etc). For some reason the combination is really good. I usually follow the handfuls with a nice big glass of milk.
November 6th, 2008 at 3:41 pm
@ James,
I know exactly what I’m looking for when I rotate my burger around. I’m looking for the side that the burger is protruding from the bun the most (if at all). That way as I eat and the insides of the burger squish to the other side of the bun I’m not pushing everything out of the bun.