If I worked at the Quickie Mart and some guy came in brandishing a Klingon sword, I’d give him all the quatloos he wanted.
Unless he was trying to swipe some perfume. Then I would mock him and use my pain stick on him.
And when will journalists stop being so lazy? It’s bat’leth, not batleth. What a p’tach.
Tip o’ Geordi’s VISOR to Pete Hardie and Dan Durda.
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The original BA site (with the Moon Hoax debunking, movie reviews, and all that) can be found here.
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 | Bad Astronomy was chosen as one of Time.com's Best Blogs of 2009. |
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February 4th, 2009 at 12:40 pm
The best part of the story is this quote “Both clerks described the weapon as a Star Trek Klingon-type sword, called a “Batleth.” How awesome is it that both clerks were geeky enough to describe the weapon.
February 4th, 2009 at 12:49 pm
“Transported” by foot? Awww, the air must be getting too thin at the offices of Channel 7 News…
You must admit, a bat’leth is pretty imposing, so whoever the robber was, he picked something suitable. Not like he was going to try to rob the store with something like a Glaive from Krull….
February 4th, 2009 at 12:52 pm
A Klingon who uses a bat’leth like a common thief dishonours his house.
February 4th, 2009 at 1:06 pm
Next they should try a batarang. >POW!<
February 4th, 2009 at 1:08 pm
Refer them to this comic
http://www.savagechickens.com/2008/04/trekkie.html
February 4th, 2009 at 1:16 pm
But what if it was a Brummie Klingon?
February 4th, 2009 at 1:17 pm
That guy doesn’t even deserve to to be spat upon by Fek’lhr himself.
February 4th, 2009 at 1:24 pm
No self respecting Klingon would stoops so low as to rob a convenience store! Now, Cardassians on the other hand …
February 4th, 2009 at 1:28 pm
This is not Klingon Blood! I wonder if he explained to the employees what the thing was as they were emptying the cash drawers. I say it’s guerilla marketing for the new Star Trek flick.
February 4th, 2009 at 1:44 pm
Phil. Who would have thought you had a english/klingon dictionary on that shelf behind you. On the other hand, where did they park the ship….
February 4th, 2009 at 1:52 pm
It’s petaQ not p’tach. When will bloggers stop being so lazy?
February 4th, 2009 at 1:53 pm
They’re both just Anglicized version of “betleH”, anyway.
February 4th, 2009 at 2:01 pm
Among the numerous items seized by the Australian Customs Service, the bat’leth must be one of the more popular of the strange things. I’ve always whined about the displays at the international airports because they have the common boring stuff – wooden artifacts, bits and pieces of endangered species – the stuff ranging from the bizarre to the incredibly dangerous just don’t go on public display. Such a pity; I’ve always wanted a glass cabinet dedicated to Trekkie gear.
February 4th, 2009 at 2:06 pm
When I lived in Edmonton, there was a specialty shop that carried all kinds of knives and swords. They had a very impressive display of various Klingon knife type weapons, including several bat’leths. Yes, they were real. And very shiny and expensive!
February 4th, 2009 at 2:07 pm
I don’t know. Those Klingons talk a lot about honor, but it seems to me that any Klingon not raised in the Federation is quite capable of robbing a convenience store. I wouldn’t past any of them.
I guess a bat’leth is intimidating, but it might be hard to wield in a store. You’d think he’d use one of those Klingon daggers. Or maybe a blaster. It’d be a lot easier to conceal.
February 4th, 2009 at 2:08 pm
Sorry, I meant to say that I wouldn’t put it past any of them. Darn keyboard.
February 4th, 2009 at 2:10 pm
“Klingons fart in airlocks.” —David Gerrold
February 4th, 2009 at 2:15 pm
…and laugh.
February 4th, 2009 at 2:18 pm
I’ve seen bat’leth ripoffs sold in catalogues as “personal defense weapons” or somesuch, so it’s entirely possible the robber didn’t know what he was using.
I must say, though, the file photo of the bat’leth in the article doesn’t seem very bat’leth-y – it’s way too stubby.
February 4th, 2009 at 2:35 pm
@Daffy:
Gerrold’s “The World Of Star Trek” rocks! That section about the difference between Klingons and Romulans is one of the two funniest things I’ve ever read about Trek. The other is his section in the same book where he writes the ultimate generic Trek episode.
“Something goes wrong with the ship. Anything. Scotty informs Kirk that the doublespeak generator is offline…”
February 4th, 2009 at 2:37 pm
Could this be a variation on the no true Scotsman fallacy?
No true Klingon would rob a convenience store!
February 4th, 2009 at 2:40 pm
Perhaps the reporter reads this blog? The article now says:
February 4th, 2009 at 2:53 pm
Next thing you know some Vulcan in heat will barge into Quickie Mart with a lirpa and demand a case of Campbell’s Plomeek Soup.
February 4th, 2009 at 3:19 pm
I can’t help but wonder that nobody noticed some guy walking down the street with a Klingon sword.
Or, maybe it was just weird enough that people noticing would simply think the guys was an uber geek.
February 4th, 2009 at 3:24 pm
Is it required that convenience store clerks be able to identify Klingon weapons? What other information is important to those, who might aspire to the life of a convenience store clerk?
February 4th, 2009 at 3:39 pm
[...] the alpha-geek that he is, the BA has picked up the story in his blog. __________________ At night the stars put on a show for free (Carole King) One Earth, One Sky [...]
February 4th, 2009 at 4:07 pm
@ Ken B & Phil P,
Now the article is corrected to _only_ say “bat’leth”. I’ll put a few cubits, err, whateverthatlameTrekcurrencywas…, on the guess that said reporter was informatized by this site.
February 4th, 2009 at 4:22 pm
I have spent this afternoon reading some atmospheric physics papers and decided to take a break. Somebody sent me a link to this story and I just about died laughing. It was what I needed… but then my second thought was “There is NO honor in robbing convenience stores!”
Now, nothing was said about whether or not the robber spoke in Klingon… perhaps he wanted only to know where the chocolate was and became enraged when the clerks didn’t understand??
robber: Nuq daQ yucH da Pol!??
clerk: uh….
robber: Heghlu’meH QaQ jajvam!! GAARFHHH!!!!!!
I am SUCH a geek.
February 4th, 2009 at 4:46 pm
Did he exclaim “Qapla!” before running away each time?
February 4th, 2009 at 4:58 pm
That…. that is not a bat’leth. Not a real one anyway. It’s too small, and, if you look closely, you can see that the guy is holding it backwards! He’d slice his hand off (glove and all) if that was a metal sword.
It’s a FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKKE!
February 4th, 2009 at 5:42 pm
Appears to be a mini version, perhaps a training weapon for the Klingon kiddies? With Kingons size does matter.
February 4th, 2009 at 7:01 pm
Bill,
I LOVE that book…coincidentally, I just re-read it last week after not having looked at it for many years!
February 4th, 2009 at 7:43 pm
Oh, we gotta escalate this: I see your pain stick and I raise you a boom stick.
February 4th, 2009 at 8:24 pm
[...] This made me laugh: Klingon robbery [...]
February 4th, 2009 at 8:45 pm
It’s Kwik-E-Mart. Come on, Phil!
February 4th, 2009 at 9:07 pm
@RL
A blaster? No, use a lightsaber. Not as clumsy or random as a blaster… an elegant weapon, for a more civilized day.
…what? Someone had to say it.
February 4th, 2009 at 10:17 pm
Bat’leths are horrible weapons. Terribly inefficient in terms of metal, surface, and striking area. Then they curve them inwards, while the blade itself is near the body…there is a very, very, very good reason why no culture on earth that went around killing each other ever designed anything like this. Too awkward to wield properly, especially when someone with a long, pointy stick was stabbing at you.
Klingons…who takes their military might seriously, other than the wholly incompetent tacticians in Starfleet (and the even more inept Romulans and Cardassians)?
February 5th, 2009 at 12:00 am
This is absolutely conclusive proof that Star Trek is undermining our youth.
February 5th, 2009 at 12:01 am
Am I the only one who couldn’t find an online Klingon translator, that works, in order to make a comment here?
February 5th, 2009 at 2:11 am
The article seems to have corrected its spelling of the weapon
that’s the power of the internet right there.
February 5th, 2009 at 2:15 am
Right, now someone needs to rob something with a lightsaber. …A real one. Then they need to give it to me, because I’ve wanted a working lightsaber since I was TWELVE.
February 5th, 2009 at 3:37 am
Thomas Siefert:
HIja’ SoH ‘oH neH wa’, Thomas Siefert!
(Yes, you are [the] only one, Thomas Siefert!)
Chugh SoH neH Daq jatlh tlhIngan Hol vaj jaH Daq vam Daq: mrklingon.org/
(If you want to speak [the] Klingon language, then go to this place.)
February 5th, 2009 at 3:45 am
Yeah, that’s not a bat’letlh. Not even a mini one. I blagged about it here: http://01universe.blogspot.com/2009/02/klingon-kriminal.html
February 5th, 2009 at 7:06 am
Ivan3Man, that’s a great resource, although the translations are very literal; but useful! There’s also the Klingon Language Institute at kli dot org and also the Klingon Imperial Diplomatic Corps at Klingon dot org… where they would dispatch such an unruly and shameless mughato’ to face Fek’lhr at the gates of Grethor’s realm.
February 5th, 2009 at 7:10 am
You’re all a bunch of nerds, Dr. Phil included!
So. There. I’ve said it. Bite me.
(Dr. Phil? Uhm, uh.. I’m referring to the Plait one, of course)
February 5th, 2009 at 7:23 am
It’s been mentioned before, but it bears repeating:
1) Holdin teh bat’leth – U R doin it RONG!
2) Whatever this guy has, it must be some kind of “hobbit bat’leth” – or in ST:TNG Mr. Worf was a lot smaller than what the camera made him look like.
February 5th, 2009 at 8:10 am
It was probably staged by the Cardassians to make the Klingons look bad. I hate those Cardassians so much…
February 5th, 2009 at 8:30 am
ccpetersen, there’s more! Wikipedia has an entry on the Klingon language with several external links at the bottom of the article, including Voragh’s Notes on Klingon Cursing, as well as The Klingon Language Institute that you mentioned.
February 5th, 2009 at 9:02 am
Snoof: Light saber: You beat me to the punch,,,dang it,,,
Naomi: How to build a light saber:
1)convert a table top electron accelerator to a hand held version, using the Tera volt electron field to accelerate the plasma to relativistic velocities.
2) constrain the plasma within a strong magnetic field
3) power it with two grams of anti matter
4) and for heavens sake, DON’T DROP IT!!!
Advice from Obi Wan:
“Luke, never drop your light saber. It might destabilize the containment coils and allow the anti-M to go BOOM!.”
Gary 7
February 5th, 2009 at 9:25 am
Wow… a hobbit bat’leth…talk about mixing your universes!!
February 5th, 2009 at 10:41 am
If it’s not Scottish, it’s crap!
February 5th, 2009 at 12:51 pm
I’m ashamed to admit, but I used to own a knife just like what the fellow is using there. It has absolutely nothing to do with Star Trek at all- it’s just a funky looking fantasy blade. It’s so poorly designed that if you were to attempt to use it in a fight, your first move would likely end up puncturing your own lung. It’s a piece of junk that would snap the second you hit anything harder than flesh. Here’s a link to the knife:
http://www.realmcollections.com/p1613/the-valdris-special-edition.html
February 5th, 2009 at 12:54 pm
I think Owen is right – it looks more like the Valdris, depicted here: http://www.swordsonline.com/shopping/The-Valdris-Special-Edition-p-17313.html Not terribly practical as a weapon, I would guess.
February 5th, 2009 at 1:18 pm
Winter Solstice Man: “If it’s not Scottish, it’s crap!”
Ye gab loch an ignornant sassenach!
Ye shoods say: If it’s nae scottish, it’s guff!
February 5th, 2009 at 1:26 pm
highschoolphysics: watch out making insinuations about Cardassians. They may send memebrs of Obsidian Order after you!
February 5th, 2009 at 1:42 pm
Don’t worry, the Obsidian Order were wiped out by the Dominion if I recall.
(Nerds, us? )
February 5th, 2009 at 5:30 pm
I know it’s trite, but…
ROFLMAO!!!!!!
February 6th, 2009 at 7:23 am
The truly amusing thing about this is that not only did the guy rob the store with the Bat’leth, the clerk behind the counter knew what a Bat’leth was in order to report it to the cops as such. And the cop taking the report knew what a Bat’leth was, because he SPELLED IT RIGHT on the report… and most of the news anchors gleefully reporting the incident on the nightly news knew the proper way to pronounce it…
I was in a bar, having lunch when the story broke, and the anchor called it a “Klingon sword.” To which at least threeother patrons in the room yelled back at the TV, “Bat’leth!”
USA: Geek nation!
February 6th, 2009 at 3:51 pm
Thank you, theinquisitor! I was going to say that about the spelling.
February 7th, 2009 at 11:21 am
I think it had to be a Ferengi trying to frame Klingons. Why? The robber stole CASH. A true Klingon would have stolen meat, while constantly cursing that none of it was still alive.
February 9th, 2009 at 1:47 pm
An elaborate scheme like this? Definitely Cardassian.
“How many lights do you see there?”
February 9th, 2009 at 6:44 pm
Looks like the reporter had enough time to check his sources. The article now has the correct spelling (and only the correct spelling) of bat’leth.