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A woman in South Carolina says she sees Jesus in a piece of toast.
Not wood bark, or an oil stain, or an insect’s carapace, but an actual honest-to-FSM piece of toast. Just like old times.
How refreshing.
So, it looks nothing at all like Jesus to me, certainly less than the Kit Kat of yore. I see Doug Henning. Or maybe Karen Carpenter.
But the thing is… the woman who found Jesus in her toast is, I think, a little optimistic. Because if she flips it over, it ain’t Jesus. Could it be…
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SATAN?
Or at the very least, it’s the collective Martian insect soul from the end of "Quatermass and the Pit".
Tip o’ the chef’s hat to BABloggee Seth Hensley. Picture credit: MIKE BONNER/mike.bonner@shj.com
April 29th, 2009 at 8:05 am
That’s a very strange looking piece of toast. Why so dark and shiny in the 2 corners?
April 29th, 2009 at 8:11 am
It’s not much of a surprise that the flip side of Jesus is Satan! come on, that should be obvious!
April 29th, 2009 at 8:14 am
When I was in college, I put a piece of bread in our departments laser cutter and burned into it a flawless image of Jesus. Sadly, this blasphemy only achieved mere laughs from my fellow colleagues, it was of little monetary value. I should have put it on Ebay.
April 29th, 2009 at 8:16 am
It looks like Alanis Morissette to me. Upside down, I just see a smiley face. I think what we see in toast says more about us than it does about the toast.
April 29th, 2009 at 8:16 am
I’m not sure if that’s Satan or Don King.
April 29th, 2009 at 8:16 am
The link from the first photo explains all (cheese toast).
April 29th, 2009 at 8:19 am
Also known as “Five Million Years to Earth,” one of the most underrated scifi movies of all time (at least I liked it, despite its silly plot).
April 29th, 2009 at 8:21 am
I dunno bout you guys, but i clearly see granulation with an irregularly shaped sun stop
April 29th, 2009 at 8:24 am
Hail the Flying Spaghetti Monster…
April 29th, 2009 at 8:24 am
Nice shout out to Quatermass.
April 29th, 2009 at 8:26 am
I see a Guild Navigator: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Guild_Navigator.jpg
April 29th, 2009 at 8:27 am
It is quite clearly Frank Zappa.
April 29th, 2009 at 8:28 am
On the flip side I saw an eagle perched on the earth, like one of those symbols that I should know better than I do.
April 29th, 2009 at 8:38 am
I think it looks like a neglected piece of toast sadly lacking butter and cinnamon..End toast abuse now!
April 29th, 2009 at 8:42 am
I see Gallagher.
April 29th, 2009 at 8:47 am
I see a hippie
April 29th, 2009 at 8:47 am
Or at the very least, it’s the collective Martian insect soul from the end of “Quatermass and the Pit”.
Wasn’t it some sort of electrical hologram from the ship? That’s why the hero hit it with the crane- to ground it to earth. Been a while since I’ve seen it.
As for the toast, I see toast. *shrug*
April 29th, 2009 at 8:48 am
Hey, people, Jesus is on the CHEESE not the toast. It’s a plasticky cheese single slice sitting on toast. Jesus would never appear on toast. But cheese, he’s all over that!
April 29th, 2009 at 8:50 am
Will the baby Jesus cry if she sells the toast on Ebay?
April 29th, 2009 at 8:51 am
Doc said
There’s a difference?
April 29th, 2009 at 8:54 am
Somebody needs to invent a toaster that grills a picture of Jesus on the toast every time. There’s money to be made there I tells ya. You could even run the full line of religious figures.
April 29th, 2009 at 8:54 am
I (for what the heck that’s worth) see the Mona Lisa.
An edible artwork… Nom!
April 29th, 2009 at 8:59 am
I don’t know…that upside down picture looks like the rabbit guy from Donny Darko to me!
April 29th, 2009 at 9:01 am
Personally, I like my Jesus toast much less burnt. I would send it back to the kitchen. Oh, and miss, I believe I asked for whole wheat Jesus toast.
April 29th, 2009 at 9:01 am
She needs to pray for the ability to make better toast.
April 29th, 2009 at 9:03 am
Mmmmmmmmmm, Two eggs, sunnyside up please!
April 29th, 2009 at 9:05 am
@ QD:
Wasn’t it some sort of electrical hologram from the ship? That’s why the hero hit it with the crane- to ground it to earth. Been a while since I’ve seen it.
It was the “collective psychic energy” of the martians, which was by nature rather nasty because it captured the spirit of one of their population culls in which they massacred the unfittest of their lot. All that hopping hopping hopping…. (My favorite sci-fi movie evers!)
April 29th, 2009 at 9:07 am
Hoonser:
My wife and I had that idea several years ago. As I recall, we did a search and found it was already on the market. I don’t recall where we found it, however.
On the other hand, interchangeable inserts for different figures, now that’s a winner. Jesus, Moses, FSM, Elvis (both fat and thin), the Easter Bunny…
April 29th, 2009 at 9:09 am
Can nobody in America cook! That looks disgusting. I wouldn’t eat it if it had Johnny Depp himself on it! How come Jesus never appears on high class gourmet food?
April 29th, 2009 at 9:09 am
@Hoonser:
Ask and ye shall receive:
Jesus Pan
April 29th, 2009 at 9:11 am
The top one is V. As in Vendetta. Or anyone with a Guy Fawkes mask.
Flip him over, and you get Rorschach (although I admit claiming you see a Rorschach test is either a cop-out or meta-joke).
Just in case, I am going to go verify that Alan Moore didn’t die during the night.
April 29th, 2009 at 9:12 am
I see a cute puppy in the flipped-over version.
And kuhnigget, wasn’t it “leaping leaping leaping”?
Been awhile since I’ve seen the movie (over 20 yrs ago), so I could be wrong…
April 29th, 2009 at 9:13 am
Looks like Lenny from Motorhead or Derek Smalls from Spinal Tap.
April 29th, 2009 at 9:17 am
It’s almost-burned pretend-cheese on toast. See what eating that stuff will do to ya.
April 29th, 2009 at 9:20 am
Derek Smalls is at least partially based on Lemmy (not Lenny) so it’s no surprise that they can be confused
April 29th, 2009 at 9:22 am
I see a midget playing a yukele.
April 29th, 2009 at 9:25 am
The first one looks like Jerry Garcia to me. The second one might be the devil but it looks like he’s making an “O” face.
April 29th, 2009 at 9:26 am
@uudale:
And kuhnigget, wasn’t it “leaping leaping leaping”?
Could be. I like the sound of “hopping, hopping, hopping,” better, though, so I’m sticking with my version! Someone bootlegged it to youtube, I see.
April 29th, 2009 at 9:27 am
Looks to me like a full body portrait of the “Speak No Evil” monkey.
April 29th, 2009 at 9:27 am
*ahem* how does anyone know what jesus looked like (if he existed at all)?
and who uses a single slice of plastic ‘cheese’, in a toaster oven no less, to make a cheesus samich?
April 29th, 2009 at 9:29 am
Why does Jesus look like the Mona Lisa wearing a pair of those joke glasses with the nose and mustache attached?
Actually, it took me a few minutes to come up with that–my first one was going to be “why does Jesus look like a piece of toast?”
April 29th, 2009 at 9:30 am
@ ennui:
Oh, get real. There are millions of pictures of Jesus! He’s a northern European with a straight nose, high cheekbones, blue eyes and long, golden hair. Sheesh!
April 29th, 2009 at 9:31 am
“why does Jesus look like a piece of toast.”
LOL @ annalee
April 29th, 2009 at 9:32 am
It’s the boss from Dilbert!
April 29th, 2009 at 9:36 am
Every day can be made better with a Quatermass reference.
I propose the formation of a Cult of Quatermass.
April 29th, 2009 at 9:44 am
I also see the Mona Lisa in the first photo. But it’s right at the limits of seeing anything, so this is a good example of how hard folks try to see anything at all. Upside down, I got nothing.
What the hell is that? Not the image, but the “food” itself? That is not any kind of toasted bread that I have ever seen. I’m thinking it’s some weird variant on a grilled-cheese sandwich. It looks like a slice of processed-cheese single-slice-packed “cheese” stuck on a slice of white bread, and grilled on a frying pan with the “cheese” slice directly against the pan, face-down, so to speak. The “Jesus” is burned on the “cheese”, not the bread. The “cheese” is toasted to a crispy Jesus.
Actually, that might be very good, with some sharp cheddar on whole-wheat. Excuse me.
April 29th, 2009 at 9:44 am
It’s cheese toast. Put a slice of American cheese on bread, stick it in the toaster oven, and voilà! Delicious, especially when the cheese gets all brown like that. (NOTE: The genuine article is made with Velveeta.)
In the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Toast… it tastes waaaaaaay better than a communion wafer. Yummy, yummy Jesus! NOM NOM NOM =^..^=
April 29th, 2009 at 9:46 am
“Quartermass and the Pit”
Or “5 Million years to Earth”.
I loved that movie, when I was a kid. (For one thing, the “science guy” was the big hero).
AND, to my GF’s confusion, I just bought it on DVD a few weeks ago. I still love it. (I never saw a more confused woman than while she watched it with me, but there you go).
However, I’ll admit that I don’t see anything in the toast. No tripod Martian overlords or Jesus, nothing. (And it’s pretty easy to put me in the mindset of seeing tripod Marian overlords, let me tell you…)
rod
April 29th, 2009 at 9:48 am
Oh no. It’s a sign. It can only mean one thing.
.
.
.
We’re toast!
April 29th, 2009 at 9:49 am
Oh, okay, “cheese toast” in an oven. I didn’t realize there was a link in the picture. I still say it’s going to be nasty with “cheese” on white–maybe Jesus appeared to tell her to not eat it.
April 29th, 2009 at 9:52 am
looks like a smiley face to me.
April 29th, 2009 at 10:02 am
Nu-uh, no way. Flipped upside-down, that is totally Frank the bunny (Donnie Darko). Crapola.
April 29th, 2009 at 10:16 am
I see the Zig Zag man with a big, bent splif. Truly spiritual.
April 29th, 2009 at 10:25 am
Upside down, it looks, to me, like Muhammad wearing a tradition Muslim headdress. This lady might have some big time trouble on her hands depicting the prophet in her toast and all.
April 29th, 2009 at 10:26 am
I see Devil Doll (of Radiskull fame).
http://joesparks.com/radiskull/
That would also go well with the cheese.
April 29th, 2009 at 10:29 am
The Satan side reminds me of Devil from http://www.inhislikeness.com/.
April 29th, 2009 at 10:29 am
Phil:
Technically, the woman would not see your version of Satan if she flipped the toast over. You made a mirror image of the original, instead of rotating the original image 180 degrees.
Anyway, now I’m hungry for a grilled cheese sandwich. See ya.
April 29th, 2009 at 10:33 am
“The Father, The Son and the Holy Toast” I liked that “MadLOLScientist, FCD” It made me think that perhaps I shouldn’t be so dismissive to the thought that Jesus might have really saved a woman from getting cancer by consuming her carbonized sandwich.
Maybe it isn’t all that ridiculous or.. sad.
For you know which of the three you mentioned is most important: “If ye deny the Holy Toast and know that ye deny it, this is a sin which is unpardonable.”
April 29th, 2009 at 10:37 am
Looks more like Rob Zombie.
April 29th, 2009 at 10:51 am
I think the bottom one looks like either Jafar from Aladdin or Mom from Futurama.
April 29th, 2009 at 11:05 am
Thank you Phil, this certainly without a doubt disproves the existence of UFOs, extra-terrestrials and ghosts. Thanks for consistently posting the biggest news.
April 29th, 2009 at 11:10 am
The top one looks like some godawful bugeyed horror Jesus, like if Jesus were driving the eighteen-wheeler in Pee Wee’s Big Adventure and turned into scary Large Marge, uh, Large Jesus, I guess. “And when they pulled the body… from the twisted, flaming crucifix… it looked… JUST LIKE THIS!”
Or maybe it’s Alice Cooper from his World of Warcraft ad.
The bottom one is Abe, from the Oddworld videogames.
April 29th, 2009 at 11:22 am
I rather see Helix planetary nebula than any kind of face at all. (May be my face detection doesn’t “work properly”..)
April 29th, 2009 at 11:31 am
Okay, this one is stretching the whole “Jesus Image” thing a little far – what people will do to get into the news (and maybe make a few bucks on ebay). Basically, the image on the toast looks like…….. Nothing! Seriously, there isn’t anything there, maybe if you spread some jam on it, you may get a better image, but this is a pretty weak burn spot to begin with.
April 29th, 2009 at 11:37 am
OK, it’s official, MadLOL wins with this one!
The Mad LOLScientist, FCD Said:
. . . In the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Toast. =^..^=
ROFLMA
Roll On Floor Laugh My Azimuth!
April 29th, 2009 at 11:39 am
And turn it sideways and you can plainly almost kinda see something like the planet killer from ST-OS. You know: “Dah-dum, dah-dum, da-dah, da-dum…”
It’s a stretch, but then so’s the cheesy Jeebus. Perhaps this just says more about what helped shape my young mind.
April 29th, 2009 at 11:48 am
SMBC did it best:
http://www.smbc-comics.com/?id=1061
April 29th, 2009 at 11:50 am
I got nothing to add really, so I will say:
But will it blend?
Om nom nom nom nom.
meme……
April 29th, 2009 at 11:52 am
Haha I had a great time reading this post–I can’t see Jesus either!
April 29th, 2009 at 12:00 pm
Phil,
Did you see (or hear about) Law and Order SVU last night?…it was about measles and vaccinations. Among the possible side effects the DID NOT mention autism. Obviously they didn’t consult JMac or JCar. Did they consult you?
Sorry to be off-topic, but I can’t easily find an email link for you.
April 29th, 2009 at 12:29 pm
That first one is clearly a Klingon. Anyone who can’t see that needs to have their eyes examined!
April 29th, 2009 at 12:33 pm
Dunno….I see a closeup of the Sun and many sunspots.
April 29th, 2009 at 12:45 pm
Here we go bending the stream, but it was good (although surprising) to see two anti-antivax plots from hollyweird in two weeks — the above mentioned (thank you, Bill) one, and the most recent episode of Private Practice.
April 29th, 2009 at 12:55 pm
It’s the Sea Hag from the old Popeye cartoons!
April 29th, 2009 at 12:57 pm
I see Charles Manson in the righside-up version. But then, I had a rough morning today.
April 29th, 2009 at 1:03 pm
The back side looks more like the emergence of the terminator head from the flames at the beginning of T2 to me. Of course, what what do I know?
April 29th, 2009 at 1:05 pm
I’m doiling….nothing. Seriously, this one’s a stretch; a thumbprint at best.
April 29th, 2009 at 1:20 pm
Actually, if you look at the second picture, it’s quite obviously a light-coloured Mario from Super Mario Bros. on a darker background. He’s facing to the right and you can see the brim of his cap pointing in that direction. Below his head is his round body and stocky legs, with his big round fists resting against either side of his body. His moustache is not depicted.
April 29th, 2009 at 1:27 pm
it looks like Albrecht Durer.
April 29th, 2009 at 2:44 pm
When it’s flipped it’s the Virgin Mary – It’s double holy.
April 29th, 2009 at 2:58 pm
These “images” always look like they’ve been image processed. Someone should start doing power spectrum analysis on them.
April 29th, 2009 at 3:13 pm
Nick: I see Frank from Donnie Darko too, in that upsidedown one, for what it’s worth.
Does it count as “Christ on toast” if this graven image (which fundies will worship in defiance of their own religion’s tenets) is on the cheese, rather than the toast proper? I mean, not that I blame him, cheese is delicious!
April 29th, 2009 at 3:17 pm
@Hoonser:
Ask and ye shall receive: Arrgh! Original comment still in moderation. Click my name for the link.
April 29th, 2009 at 3:38 pm
@ drksky:
Ditto! Grumble… grumble… snort… [Blaspheme censored]!
April 29th, 2009 at 3:44 pm
“Quatermass and the Pit” a.k.a. “Five Million Years to Earth” – I love that film. Very imaginative, even though it has one of the dumbest lines in SciFi – though in fairness it is spoken by a character who is ignorant and obstinate:
“Mars is dead. Nothing there but lichen.”
Believe me, if Martian lichen were discovered, Mars would be far from dead.
April 29th, 2009 at 4:10 pm
oh my gosh, its a piece of toast someone beleives to look like Jesus whats the big deal. (Only yoda on a piece of toast would be awesome)
April 29th, 2009 at 4:39 pm
Phil, nice Church Lady impression.
April 29th, 2009 at 4:40 pm
Chip:
Just like bloody creationists!
April 29th, 2009 at 4:55 pm
I saw it and immediately though Ozzy Ozbourne, or his avatar from that World of Warcraft commercial he did recently.
April 29th, 2009 at 5:10 pm
Jesus has appeared in a dogs ass too:
http://img.metro.co.uk/i/pix/2006/11/angusassjesus_350x450.jpg
April 29th, 2009 at 5:24 pm
I don’t see Doug Henning, but George Kaplan’s being punched by E.T.
On the flip side it’s Johnny Carson wearing his turban and playing … oh, what was the character’s name?
April 29th, 2009 at 5:30 pm
Holy toast Batman.
So Jesus is toast.
April 29th, 2009 at 5:31 pm
Carnac, the Magnificent.
April 29th, 2009 at 5:31 pm
I think I see Spawn. Remember Spawn?
April 29th, 2009 at 5:31 pm
I dunno, the second one kind of looks like Smart Bad.
April 29th, 2009 at 5:46 pm
@kuhnigget: If by Smart Bad, you mean Strong Bad, then I am in complete agreement. Truly this is a message from the heavens.
April 29th, 2009 at 6:04 pm
If I was the Son of God, I’d be more definitive in my appearances. Like maybe setting up some speaking dates at an auditorium. Compared to the good old days of miracles and crucifixions, burned toast is a bit of a step down.
April 29th, 2009 at 6:13 pm
That’s just frakkin’ ridiculous. [/Lols very much]
@ madge: that puts me in mind of an old Bill Cosby standup bit where he was talking about UFOs always appearing to … people who perhaps are not the most eloquent or educated … and his comment was [silly drawling Bill Cosby voice] How do they know, that *those* are the dudes, that they’re supposed to pick on??!![/silly drawling Bill Cosby voice] :-p
April 29th, 2009 at 6:19 pm
The guy on the first side looks kinda like the guy at the last record store. The guy on the flip side is obviously Cyrano de Bergerac.
April 29th, 2009 at 6:46 pm
It looks like that awful plastic-cheese slice stuff. It is an affront to the FSM, an abomination that must never be allowed to enter His bolognaise.
For Thine is the cheese, the mince and tomato – Ramen.
April 29th, 2009 at 7:13 pm
I didn’t know Jesus was a wookie.
April 29th, 2009 at 9:05 pm
All I see is an irregular burn mark.
From what I remember, Quartermass was the original (wasn’t it a serial in b&w?) and Five Million was the later remake of the movie. I’ve seen Five, but haven’t seen Quartermass yet. (but want to).
April 29th, 2009 at 9:24 pm
@ Redstar:
Smart Bad = Strong Bad = My Bad
Definitely lost a few brain cells this week.
April 29th, 2009 at 10:56 pm
Methinks it is like a weasel.
April 30th, 2009 at 1:35 am
Well, I don’t know about you guys but I LOVE a bit of Cheesus on Toast…especially Cheddar Cheesus…mmmmmmm
April 30th, 2009 at 4:06 am
Amazing how Jesus and Mary keeps appearing on things (especially edible things)…
Now I must wonder what’d happen to religious people who eat things that have Jesus’ face on it. Would the face suddenly transfer to their belly? Would the waste of it still carry the image (and if it does and turns up scent-free, that’d be something closer to a miracle now, wouldn’t it?
P).
Honestly… it’s weird to keep reading about this sort of thing happening while living in a developed country in the space age. Pass the flying spaghetti monster toast, please, I can use some divine(ly delicious) guidance. ;o)
April 30th, 2009 at 4:16 am
Ah Quatermass, from the fertile imagination of Nigel Kneale. I rate him up there with Arthur C. Clarke, Isaac Asimov, and Philip K. Dick in the realms of science fiction. If you’re not familiar with him outside of Quatermass, check out The Year of the Sex Olympics, The Stone Tape (the climax raised goose bumps on me Christmas night 1972!), and The Road (unfortunately lost from the BBC archives).
The production values left a lot to be desired (very similar to early Doctor Who episodes) but the ideas were way ahead of the times – The Year of the Sex Olympics anticipating “reality TV” by at least a quarter of a century.
As for the toast, just eat it!
April 30th, 2009 at 7:47 am
I see Mickey Mouse
April 30th, 2009 at 8:24 am
It was the “collective psychic energy” of the martians,
Yeah, but I thought some device on the spacecraft was channeling it. ??? I really ought to just rent the thing and watch it again.
April 30th, 2009 at 10:23 am
You know what? Top looks more like Klingon than jesus. Look at Klingon’s traditional shaggy hair, bumps up on THE forehead and near eyes.
Bottom look like somewhat weird alien.
April 30th, 2009 at 1:08 pm
I can’t tell whether I see Rorschach or Rob Zombie.
April 30th, 2009 at 7:15 pm
looks like cthulhu to me. Maybe I’ve been reading PZ’s blog too much…
April 30th, 2009 at 7:57 pm
I’ve looked. I’ve looked again, and again, and again, and all I can see is breakfast.
April 30th, 2009 at 9:19 pm
I see Ka D’Argo.
April 30th, 2009 at 10:18 pm
Aww Phil, now I need to go and make some cheese on toast. I was trying to work, but melted cheese cravings have taken hold! [And BTW, I thought this was an astronomy blog not a Jesus appearing in strange item blog. I'm unscubscribing now, well....after I've made the cheese, te he].
April 30th, 2009 at 10:48 pm
@ Mark Says: (April 29th, 2009 at 9:48 am)
Oh no. It’s a sign. It can only mean one thing.
.
.
.
We’re toast!
But we’re not on the toast – he is!
Maybe he’s trying to say “My cheesy overgrown cult is toast?” here?
Seriously, why is anyone dumb enough to think such vague patterns that could be anything if you squint hard enough mean anything? What can they really think it means assuming Cheezus has “miraculously” (hah!
) appeared on a piece of grilled plastic?
Personally, if that’s the very lame “best” that Cheezus can do I’m suddenly a lot LESS scared of the wrath of god!
April 30th, 2009 at 11:01 pm
@ QD:
Yeah, but I thought some device on the spacecraft was channeling it. ??? I really ought to just rent the thing and watch it again.
It’s never quite clear why all that psychic martian mojo is in the spacecraft, but the big evil apparition is triggered when some electrical equipment charges the ship, triggering a massive psyclone (to steal a Greg Bear term) of awfulness.
Both the feature and the TV series are bootlegged on youtube.
May 1st, 2009 at 9:00 am
Obviously, I have issues, because I see Betty Page, or Betty Boop
May 8th, 2009 at 10:04 am
I see Spawn.
October 9th, 2009 at 2:54 pm
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