Aliens saved Tunguska!

By Phil Plait | May 29, 2009 11:30 am

UFO bravely defeats the asteroid

Thank heavens aliens and their flying saucers are so thoughtful! As reported by Fox news — yeah, imagine that — a Russian scientist claims that an alien spaceship crashed into an incoming asteroid in 1908 to save the Earth.

Kinda brings a tear to your big, black, pupilless almond-shaped eye, doesn’t it?

In 1908, a smallish (30-50 meter wide) asteroid had Earth dead in its crosshairs. According to mainstream scientists, who we know make things up all the time, it was atmospheric pressure that caused the rock to explode several kilometers off the surface of the Earth, creating a huge fireball and shock wave that set fire to and knocked down trees for hundreds of square kilometers in a remote swampy region of Siberia.

"Atmospheric pressure". Ha! Stoopid scientists. What obviously really happened was that a brave alien saw what was happening and swung his/her/its spaceship into the way of the incoming space debris, blowing it and him/her/itself up in the process. The Russian scientist in the article cites a piece of quartz with strange markings on it (photo not provided in the article, but Starts With a Bang has some, and they’re clearly, um, rocks) and the presence of ferrum silicate (evidence not provided) as proof an alien was involved.

I mean, c’mon, it would be stupid to argue against evidence like that. I mean it; it would be stupid to argue against it.

And it would be rude for us not to thank this nameless alien, even though maybe it would’ve been a teensy bit better had it actually intercepted the asteroid a few miles farther up so that the shock wave wouldn’t have flattened all that forest. And it would be illogical to wonder why the alien didn’t simply get up there a few days earlier and push the rock out of the way, thus avoiding both the explosion and the alien’s premature demise. After all, it’s an alien spaceship, it must have had radar or sensors or psychic powers that could’ve provided early warning that the rock was headed our way, giving the alien plenty of time to avoid making The Ultimate Sacrifice for us.

Still, anonymous alien from another planet, whatever the circumstances were, I salute you. But just in case any other aliens are listening: if an asteroid is headed toward Fox News HQ, maybe just this once you’ll let it slip past you.

CATEGORIZED UNDER: Antiscience, Debunking, Humor, Skepticism

Comments (73)

  1. “… if an asteroid is headed toward Fox News HQ, maybe just this once you’ll let it slip past you”

    I don’t think that’s a good idea. My editor at a major business magazine has an office just a few blocks away. While I’m not a fan of Fox News by any stretch of the imagination, I would be very grateful if the unnamed aliens would step in here as well. Just for my editor’s sake of course…

  2. opossum

    The aliens are Earth’s secret little protectors. Thank goodness. Have you hugged an alien today?

  3. rob

    nah, the alien ship was destroyed while it was trying to hit europe with the big rock. it had an engine malfunction, causing loss of power so it couldn’t disengage the grappling hooks. the asteroid dragged the alien down towards tunguska where the atmospheric pressure caused it and the asteroid to explode.

    stoopid aliens.

  4. But who threw the comet in the first place? That’s what I’d really like to know. It had to have been either the Annunaki or God, no other alien civilization has the resources to carry out such an audacious plot.

    Thank you random flying saucer for the sacrifice, we are forever indebted to you. Oh, you’re dead? Never mind, it’s the effort that counts.

  5. Charles Boyer

    Sad thing is, people will believe this story. Because it comes from a reputable source.

    After all, their news service is the moral equivalent of Tass and had as much grip on reality as did the former Soviet propaganda service.

  6. Luckily, we have Superman to handle asteroids for us these days.

  7. Darth Curt

    You’re assuming of course that the alien meant to save the planet. What if he just buzzing the planet to scare some farmers in Nebraska, while making bleep bloop blip noises. We know that these are usually teenaged aliens that do that, and that teenagers all over the galaxy are notoriously reckless drivers. So he/she/it probably saw the chunk of space rock, decided to see if he/she/it could beat it (like an earthling teen and a freight train) and well… didn’t.

    He/She/It obviously was that frood, and didn’t know where his/her/it’s towel was.

  8. Nah, no altruistic intent at all on the part of the alien. See, he picked up a redneck that happened to have a keg of beer. Rather than probing the guy, they got drunk together. If the asteroid hadn’t hit the alien’s ship, it would’ve been charged with an FUI – flying under the influence. The police UFO saw the resulting explosion, thought “Eeeee!” and quietly slipped away.

  9. José

    On the important issue who had a better title to their post, I’m going to have to side with Starts With a Bang this time.

  10. John Baxter

    So when is Fox “News” going to move their operation to Texas?

  11. I see Fox News has slipped from “Bad Journalism” to “Not Even Journalism.”

  12. T.E.L.

    If mowing down everything for a radius of several miles equals saving Earth from the meteor, I’d hate to think how it might have turned out without the alien’s generosity.

  13. Charles Boyer

    I believe what Douglas Adams said about aliens: that they are teenaged extraterrestrials having fun with the natives.

    (If there ARE aliens. Which no real proof of exists.)

  14. Joe Meils

    Soon to be a cheap-a** movie on sci-fi channel.

  15. opossum

    The aliens created the asteroid just so they could save us from it. That has to be it, because there is no natural explanation for anything.

  16. Darn. Come in a little late and all the good “stupid alien gets hit by asteroid” stories are already posted. :-(

    Now, as for “Starts With a Bang”‘s photos of the “crystals”, didn’t anyone else notice that they’re actually maps of the Nazca landing strips? Who needs any more proof than that?

    (1) Greg Fish:

    … if an asteroid is headed toward Fox News HQ, maybe just this once you’ll let it slip past you”

    I don’t think that’s a good idea. My editor at a major business magazine has an office just a few blocks away.

    Well, nothing says it has to be a big asteroid. I’ve seen meteorite chunks small enough to poke a hole in a car’s roof. (Search for “Peekskill meteorite”.) Perhaps something a smidge larger, that can take out a small office building?

  17. BJN

    And if Lake Cheko yields meteorite material, I wonder if the aliens will show up smashed underneath?

    http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/science/nature/6239334.stm

  18. It was god stopped it from obliterating his creation. hehe.

  19. Daniel J. Andrews

    No-one is giving any credit to SG-1? They’ve jumped asteroids past the earth, time-traveled, saved numerous civilizations, befriended advanced alien races, solved numerous puzzles and even defeated a race of gods, the Ori. If anyone saved us, it was SG-1. We know SG-1 exists, I’ve seen them in person in Vancouver (they were posing as actors at the time, no doubt in deep undercover mode). Give credit where credit is due.

  20. @Ken B:
    Only if Glenn Beck is broadcasting at the time…

  21. Of course you all realize that Billy Meier predicted this back in 1974.

    And he’s got the clips from the Dean Martin Show to prove it.

  22. Aliens is so stupid.

    Even if you can accept that there are aliens who might be so altruistically inclined, they’d be smart enough to know that an exploding rock over that chunk of Siberia wouldn’t do diddly squat as far as hurting humans. Only REALLY stupid aliens, or aliens on some kind of weird suicide pact, would bother

  23. Will Amos

    Maybe the aliens were attacking, but the asteroid jumped in front and saved us.

  24. Actually, it’s a very old “theory”. Almost 20 years ago I read a book from Arnold Mostovich (he’s a polish writer), I don’t know if this book is translated to english (it should be something like “We are from space”), but it dealt with many such “paranormal” things – ufo, hynek’s blue book project, nasca lines, egyptian pyramids and their magic properties, crop circles, dogons and Sirius, and of course tunguska event. He claimed all these involved aliens, and about the tunguska event said, that he came to this idea after he met Alexander Kazantsev (a russian sci-fi writer) in 1978. So there is pretty looong history of this myth :-)
    Don’t get me wrong – while now I know that all this is rubbish, then I was young and foolish, and these “theories” sounded very interesting and exciting :-)

  25. BMcP

    if an asteroid is headed toward Fox News HQ, maybe just this once you’ll let it slip past you.

    Ack! Don’t do that, that’s Manhattan and I really like the Empire State Building and Times Square ;_;

  26. Traffic Demon

    No, read Prime Directive, it was the Vulcans that caused the asteroid to explode over Tunguska.

  27. Robert T.

    No, no, Jim. I mean, Phil. It was the Red Matter’s doing. The alien obviously was sucked into a wormhole and accidentally collided with said asteroid as his/her/its ship came out through the other side. You see, the ship’s crude intruments went haywire as it passed through the tunnel. So you can’t really say the alien was stoopid. Ancient, maybe, but not stoopid.

    Addendum: the wormhole, in turn, sucked out all the intelligent people on earth; in 1908, that is. Probably the reason why we have a lot of politicians, lawyers, scientists and creationists these days. :)

  28. Mount

    The alien ship wasn’t avoiding a disaster, it was leading the attack! I have the evidence to prove it too. Shoemaker Levy 9 was Russia’s retaliation against the Jupitairians for the Tunguska event. Russia has been at war with multiple alien races over the last 150 years, why do you think they dumped so much money into their space program?

  29. The BA says: “The Russian scientist in the article cites a piece of quartz with strange markings on it”

    A Russian scientist discovering a piece of quartz from the Tunguska event that points to the crash of an alien ship? “Silent Star” anyone? (English title, “First Spaceship on Venus”)

    - Jack

  30. !AstralProjectile

    To think of all that money we spend on SpaceGuard, when the aliens will do all the hard work for us anyway. I’ll bet they are already sucking up all our CO2.

  31. Ron Murray

    What the futz is “ferrum silicate”, anyway?

  32. ThatPirateGuy

    No, no you all have it wrong. It was the doctor.

    The Daleks had sent a small ship to monitor their asteroid. The doctor defeated them and while escaping tricked them into the path of their own asteroid thus saving the earth.

    Now if we all accept the doctor as our personal time lord and savior then maybe he will warn us about the housing bubble.

  33. Eddie Janssen

    Next time I will not be so polite!

  34. Rob

    In a perfect example of crank fusion, this news makes it onto the ‘Uncommon Descent’ Intelligent Design blog. There are these pieces of rock, see, and they’ve got these marks on them, which might have been made by aliens, which is just like what SETI does, thus Intelligent Design = science. *facepalm*

  35. coolstar

    Hey, this would make a GREAT movie. Maybe that genius J. J. Abrams (co-writer of the script for Armageddon) could even direct it!

  36. Torbjörn Larsson, OM

    Stupid aliens and their superior AFO technology. Didn’t they know that you can divert a comet; you have saved mankind for today. But teach mankind to fly saucers; and you have saved mankind forever.

    Btw, “ferrum silicate” strikes me as some type of cavorite.

    If there ARE aliens. Which no real proof of exists.

    Oh, they demonstrably exist. I have neighbors that proves that.

  37. Mena

    Oh please, everyone knows that it was an alien ship that was/will be destroyed by the Cybermen that caused the extinction of the dinosaurs, so why is this so hard to believe?

  38. Davidlpf

    But did they find Adric’s body.

  39. MadScientist

    Hey, don’t expect the alien to work miracles; only gods do that. Just be thankful that our anonymous friend spotted the meteor in time and was able to do anything at all. Personally I don’t believe the alien crashed the spacecraft into the asteroid – would creatures with such advanced technology be so stupid? Of course not! The alien obviously planted a Red Matter device in the space rock.

  40. ND

    Torbjörn Larsson,

    AFO? Ankle-foot orthosis?

    Any superior civilization would be able to manipulate the gravitational constant to nudge objects around.

  41. Richard

    “Then he looked right through me
    With somniferous almond eyes.”
    -Tool “Rosetta Stoned”

    Yeah, I’m wondering if someone else forgot his pen. O_o

  42. fizzyb

    I think the bugs did it.

  43. Michelle

    The rocks with markings are pretty cool. If I ever found one I’d keep it going “Wow that rock is sweet!”
    …But that’s it. I don’t see how I would EVER go to the “Aliens made this!” conclusion. It’s ridiculous.

  44. Wayne

    I understand that bashing Fox News is a favorite pastime around here, but I didn’t get the impression that the article was trying to give this guy any credibility. Phrases like “one Russian scientist is claiming” and “Most scientists think” make it pretty clear what the mainstream view is.

  45. DrFlimmer

    Any superior civilization would be able to manipulate the gravitational constant to nudge objects around.

    Yes, just like the “Frogs”. They can produce “fast-changing gravitational fields”. Too bad that most people here don’t (and can’t) know this:

    youtube.com/watch?v=ZR8aSPT81pA

  46. @#4: “no other alien civilization has the resources to carry out such an audacious plot”

    You forgot the Fithp. They’ve not surrendered yet. Click my name to read about the glory of the herd.

  47. Daffy

    “I understand that bashing Fox News is a favorite pastime around here…”

    Yes, but do you understand WHY? OMG, that they call that a “news” channel is the most laughable thing on television (except “American idol”).

  48. blur

    russian science at its peak

  49. charlie98

    What’s with the irrational fear of Fox News? Just because they don’t bow to the big O? Don’t worry, soon Latina women with their life experiences will be on the Supreme Court and black men with batons will be stationed at polling booths making sure you vote correctly and the utopia that you so desperately crave will have arrived. BTW, if you don’t like Fox News, don’t watch, their ad revenues will dry up and they will go out of business. Good luck with that though seeing as they beat all the competition combined just about all the time.

  50. amphiox

    The aliens weren’t actually trying to save humans. They were trying to save the incredibly rare Tunguskan striped liverwort, which had the distinction of being the universe’s only sentient plant.

    They failed.

  51. T.E.L.

    ND Said:

    “Any superior civilization would be able to manipulate the gravitational constant to nudge objects around.”

    Only if it’s possible.

  52. Thank you, Phil. I saw this article at FoxNews and was hoping you’d make a comment. :-)

  53. Chris Winter

    It’s just lucky for our side that the asteroid didn’t have a core of naquada, like the one Anubis threw at us.

    (A nod to Daniel J. Andrews…)

  54. Chris Winter

    Wayne, you’re right about the Fox News article. On the other hand, Fox is the network that ran the Alien Autopsy “documentary.”

    http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0163521/

  55. Daffy

    “What’s with the irrational fear of Fox News? Just because they don’t bow to the big O?”

    I am not a very big Obama fan (so far). I hate FOX news because they are a pack of liars; it really is that simple. The fact that they lie in the direction you want them to doesn’t make it any less true

    Btw, I have not noticed ANY news agency “bowing to the big O.”

  56. zar

    charlie98, you just summed up everything wrong with Fox News. The bizarre paranoid racist hysteria (black men with clubs? really? I think you forgot to mention how they steal our precious white women) that considers white hetero fundie males not being allowed to oppress others as white hetero fundie males being oppressed, that is unable to argue a political point with reason or facts and so refers to deranged dystopias dreamed up by some kind of white supremacist group instead, that would make General Jack D. Ripper and his fears about the tainting of our precious bodily fluids’ essence with fluoride in the water supply look positively reasonable.

  57. Mena

    Daffy, don’t forget that they also come across as being extremely dumb and they are catering to the dumber who also seem to be very angry for some reason. Don’t you just love the way that people like charlie98 seem to be confusing how we react to a president of our own party with how they treated Bush? Apparently it is now patriotic to criticize a president in a time of war. How convenient.

  58. Daffy

    Mena,

    I know! These are the same people who, when Bush was president, would call you a “traitor” or worse if you said ANYTHING against his policies. I can only assume they think the rest of us have forgotten; I, for one, have not.

    Did you notice, btw, that hack/liar Rush Limbaugh was calling the current economic situation the “Obama recession” a month before he even took office? I don’t know if these people are terminally stupid, or if they just assume the rest of us are.

  59. Whoa! After the past few posts I’m going to call a modified Godwin’s Law on this thread (modified to replace “Nazi” with “Fox News”).

    The “Big O?” What have you guys got against Oprah?

    - Jack

  60. Mena

    Why, because the Nazis were like The Onion? Fox News is. Hi-frickin-larious, except that people take it seriously. Ok, that’s kind of funny too. Yet they are the first to say that The Daily Show and The Colbert Report are comedy and that it is somehow bad to get our news from them too. Like being intentionally funny is somehow worse that being unintentionally funny. The brain just can’t fathom the mental gymnastics involved in Fox watching and being a Conservative these days…

  61. Daffy

    Jack,

    How interesting that you were the first to bring up Nazis, therefore invoking Godwin’s Law yourself, while making a joke about Godwin’s Law. It’s a perfect circle! One so rarely sees those in nature. I may write a paper. :)

    That said, Fox News is still a horrifying joke as a news source.

  62. charlie98

    “The bizarre paranoid racist hysteria (black men with clubs? really? I think you forgot to mention how they steal our precious white women) that considers white hetero fundie males not being allowed to oppress others as white hetero fundie males being oppressed, that is unable to argue a political point with reason or facts and so refers to deranged dystopias dreamed up by some kind of white supremacist group instead, that would make General Jack D. Ripper and his fears about the tainting of our precious bodily fluids’ essence with fluoride in the water supply look positively reasonable.”

    I ran this through the Camino translate function but all I get is gibberish.

  63. Chris Winter

    Charlie98 wrote (in part): “What’s with the irrational fear of Fox News?”

    More like rational distaste.

    Charlie98 wrote (in part): Just because they don’t bow to the big O?

    No, because they don’t bow to the facts. What they present often contains misinformation. Like that “Alien Autopsy” piece they ran a few years back.

  64. JB of Brisbane

    I remember reading a piece in an old Reader’s Digest (now THERE’S a reputable source) claiming that the object was in fact an alien spaceship crashing down to Earth. The explosion was supposed to have been from the ship’s propulsion system, on the basis of “it was too big (at a yield of about 30 megatons) to have been anything but nuclear”, I think. Also, from patterns of destruction on the ground from the shock wave, it was determined that the object changed course just before the final explosion, and, as we all knew then, “Meteors don’t change course”.
    My take from this was, if it was an alien spaceship, it is the only one documented ever to have obeyed the laws of physics.

  65. @JB of Brisbane:

    I recall reading (in my callous youth) a book, I believe it was THE FIRE CAME BY, about the same claims. It was one of the many things that drove me to skepticism.

    J/P=?

  66. John Paradox @67: I had that book, too, in the course of the many years I spent familiarizing myself with all the major UFO literature and reporting. The spacecraft hypothesis always seemed much less plausible than a simple comet impact, and the book didn’t even propose a very good scenario for how any possible star drive would yield a thermonuclear explosion in the event of a crash. That ship never would have gotten past OSHA!

    As for this new deliberate collision idea: if the visitors commanded the energies needed to get all the way here, couldn’t they accelerate something besides their own craft at the object?

  67. JB of Brisbane

    Now that you mention it, the piece in the Reader’s Digest was a condensation of “The Fire Came By”.

  68. Damon

    I take it you have photo/video evidence of the meteor exploding above Tungusksa, Phil?

    No?

    I rest my case. Feel free to drop the smarmy attitude.

  69. Brian

    I for one welcome our self-terminating alien overlords!

  70. Greg in Austin

    Damon said,

    “I take it you have photo/video evidence of the meteor exploding above Tungusksa, Phil?”

    There is photo evidence of the after effects and physical evidence to this day that an explosion did occur. And there have been many calculations and simulations made that would explain how an asteroid entering our atmosphere (an event that has been repeatedly recorded and measured) could cause such an explosion.

    If you don’t think it was a meteor, then please provide the evidence you have that would explain it.

    Oh, and since Phil’s post was filed under “humor,” please feel free to get a sense of one.

    8)

  71. Patimus

    Vlarek told me he wasn’t gonna allow the thing to hit earth. If Vlarek says it, it must be true. I’ll take Vlarek’s word, science has nothing on aliens.

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