Moltz on the Moon

By Phil Plait | July 23, 2009 4:00 pm

John Moltz is some sort of internet personality, despite not having a Wikipedia page. This has not, however, prevented him from creating an article titled 10 reasons I know the Apollo 11 moon landing was faked. It makes at least as much sense as anything Bart Sibrel has ever said.

Danger! Danger!

Oh, the language is maybe NSFW if you work at Trinity Broadcasting.

Also, you should follow him on Twitter. He has a way cool Lost in Space robot avatar.

CATEGORIZED UNDER: Debunking, Humor, Skepticism
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Comments (38)

Links to this Post

  1. Jay Lake: [links] Link salad heads toward Seattle | July 24, 2009
  1. jest

    That’s amusing.

  2. Laura

    #5 is great.

    WHERE ARE THE POOP BAGS?

  3. o rly

    I don’t know if this is sad or amusing, but I could almost imagine someone trying to make those arguments “legitimately”.

  4. Elwood Herring

    You’re nobody if you’re not in Wikipedia.

    :-(

    Well at least I know what’s true…

    Edit – just took a look at that page. Very funny!

  5. John Phillips, FCD

    :) I like it.

    o rly, yep, I am just waiting for some of the MHBers I know to hear of this and quote some of it back at me :)

  6. Joe MA

    are the Britz offended by this lol

  7. Rob

    Pfffft!!! Everyone knows I landed on the moon. Now let’s all just get on with our lives. Or so help me, I’ll show you all my bag o’ poop.

  8. Torbjörn Larsson, OM

    10 reasons I know the Moltz list was faked:

    1. One person wrote that list. That means the odds of the list being written is one… YET IT IS FAKED!

    2. The list is approximately 10 points too long. It is impossible to write a list that long because “points” are one-dimensional objects and not a measurable distance. You wouldn’t get that far!

    Which fact of course must bring us directly to:

    10. I was a hollow shell of a person before I began to imitate Moltz. Now I have a purpose, purpose I would never have been able to otherwise achieve because I have no talent for his humor.

  9. Dan

    OK, one more:

    11. As photo 16b on my web site “A Moon Shot in my Pants” shows, One can clearly see propped against a leg of the Lunar Module a set of photos of Michael Jackson moonwalking. When we confronted NASA officials with this photo, asking them why trained astronauts would need to reference photos of Michael Jackson FROM THE FUTURE in order to moonwalk (the answer, of course, is that these are NOT real astronauts but ACTORS FAKING moonwalking inside a secret studio hidden in a camo quanset hut in the woods outside Possum Kingdom, South Carolina), we received NO response, even though the VERY SAME officials had, just prior to this question, been more than cooperative when we gave them honey buns and hot chocolate out of our van at the Johnson Space Center security gate.

  10. NewEnglandBob

    Oh, that POE man…haha

  11. Evan

    Um – its satire right?

    A bit over the top, but I get the point of it.

  12. Pat Montana

    Moltz is WRONG!! Paco is mine and always has been. NASA nor the Lunar Vampires have ever produced a single piece of legitimate evidence he belonged to either of them! This alone is proof Mr. Moltz faked 9/11 by shooting illegitimate moon landings on the set of Capricorn 1!

    Or something like that!

    8)

  13. Ryan

    That sad thing to me is that the “Poop Bags” argument is actually a better one than any other hoax backing argument i’ve heard. Of course thats not saying much.

  14. Lunar Vampires? This guy knows nothing about the Moon.. it’s Cat-Women

    Oh, dang… moderation

    J/P=?

  15. Hilarious Phil. I won’t bother reading the tripe you linked to but the “plug” was the most funny thing I’ve read/seen all night and I’ve been on a bit of a “Big Bang Theory” marathon while the wife is out of town.

    Hilarious. I’m going to go read it again.

    Thanks,

  16. I take that back. I did read it… and it was hilarious too!

    Have fun at The Con.

  17. Buzz Parsec

    8. Wadya mean, Buzz isn’t a real name? Are you trying to imply that I don’t exist? Yo mama don’t exist (or what ever Skip Gates is reputed to have said to the cop.) This proves you’re stuck in a time loop.

  18. wildride

    Moltz? Cho-ee-chu!

  19. b4

    Remind me of Richard Hoagland on Coast to Coast AM. Don’t know of anybody else who could believe that moon rocks are advanced alien technologies mimicking moon rocks (not to mention the cities on the moon, etc).

  20. Alan French

    I know we didn’t go to the Moon. The photos of the lunar landscape supposedly taken by the astronauts don’t show the rugged landscape depicted in the Chesley Bonestell print hanging over my desk, nor does the lunar lander looks anything like the spaceship so nicely portrayed in the same print.

    Clear skies, Alan

  21. 15. wildride Says: “Moltz? Cho-ee-chu!”

    Best reference so far!

    “Wait, you said you were going to kill me!”

    “I lied.”

    – Jack

  22. bric

    I went to a British boys’ school, and I can tell you #9 is pretty compelling . . .

  23. Cairnos2

    Ok, I got to the end of #1 before my brain started to melt. Call me an easy target :-)

  24. Dan I.

    Wow, ya know I never thought the hoax might be real until I read about the lack of poop bags. Explain that Mr. Bad Astronomer smarty guy, where are the poop bags!!!?

    Seriously though that list was pretty funny.

  25. TGAP Dad

    I absolutely LOVE the avatar, which I remember all too well as the “good” robot from the original “Lost In Space” series.

  26. Stone Age Scientist

    Hmmm, gay sex in space… This is an intriguing premise. That could explain why Neil and Buzz took off without Michael. 😯

    Dan I @ #20, (meaning no disrespect to the astronauts) it’s highly probable the poops were left on the Moon to fertilise the soil.

    Honestly now, I wonder if Moltz took his cue from Sascha Baron Cohen’s Ten Reasons To See Bruno.

  27. Sandy L

    You know, he IS right about the poop bags. And the vampires.

  28. Trebuchet

    Hilarious. And sadly, each and every argument is just as good as the ones the real HB’s use.

  29. Plutonium being from Pluto

    Okay I’ll add reason no 11 :

    Everyone knows the the Moon is actually made of Green Cheese but the moon rocks weren’t made of green cheese nor did any of the “Lunar” photos show it! Ergo .. fake! 😉

    A few other comments I’ve got :

    3.If men had landed on the moon, this would have angered the lunar vampires we know to live there, sparking a war between Earth and the lunar vampires that would currently be ravaging both worlds. No such war appears to be taking place. Yet it is. The government is just covering that up, too. But it wasn’t started by an incursion on their territory, it was started during a dispute over the ownership of a mule named Paco.

    Hey, he’s stolen the Scientologist’s bible & is quoting from it! 😉

    Sadly enough, L. Ron Hubbard’s deluded beliefs that began as average SF and ended up as an actual religion (well ok religious cult) are really not too far removed from this ..

    4.This so-called “moon” that supposedly orbits our planet cannot be real because the teachings of Septon the Inquisitor tell us that life is an illusion and the real waking state does not come until we die and arrive, ironically, on the moon which is where people go when they die. I know it sounds confusing, but it makes a lot more sense after you watch the informational video and relinquish all your wordly possessions.

    That’s Eastern philosophy for ya isn’t it! Its also humbug. I mean if life’s a dream then what’s an actual dream and why can’t we wake up from our lives? Eh? Eh? 😉

    5.The entire trip supposedly took 8 days yet at no point are the astronauts shown on live TV defecating.

    … & thank the FSM for that! That’s one giant dump I do NOT wish to see. Ewww! 😮

    8. “Buzz”? That’s not even a name. It’s a sound that bees make.

    If you’re curious then in reality, Buzz’es name comes from “Buzza” (Brother) which Edwin Aldrin’s little sister used to called him as she couldn’t say it properly. It became Buzz’es nickname then he eventually officially adopted it as his name post Apollo.

    9.Three men in a confined space for 8 days and there’s no gay sex? Right. Any graduate of a British boarding school for boys would tell you that’s impossible.

    Uh .. how do we know there was no gay sex? 😉

    They probably left it off the footage for the same reason they didn’t show the astronauts defecating because its just ..well … yeck! (Besides they wanted to keep it on a special secret tape for private sale to gay markets later! 😉 )

    & finally good satire! 8)

    Loved it – thanks John Moltz for writing that & the Bad Astronomer for sharing it! :-)

  30. Petrolonfire

    @ 23. Trebuchet :

    Hilarious. And sadly, each and every argument is just as good as the ones the real HB’s use.

    Or even better … 😉

    Any real Moon Hoax CT Believers need to :

    a) Check out the BA’s Moon Landing Hoax debunking page.

    b) Check out the ‘Mythbusters’ Moon hoax debunking episode & do a bit more basic research and thinking

    &

    c) If they still think the Apollo Moon landings were a hoax then they need to inform the nurse to unplug their life support – because they are officially brain dead! 😉

  31. At first, I wasn’t going to read the list, since I didn’t feel like read YAMHW (Yet Another Moon Hoax Website), but fortunately my wife convinced me otherwise. (I didn’t spot the “humor” tag initially.)

    On the bright side, I got to explain to her who Bart Sibrel is, and watch “the punch” again.

  32. Yojimbo

    Well heck! I’ve known all along it was fake because they called it Apollo, but they were so dumb they forgot to mention Starbuck!

  33. Stan9FOS

    Thanks again, Phil. Hilarious link, and I grabbed the avatar for my own nefarious purposes. Mwaa-haa-haa!

  34. Don Johnston

    I saw a documentary on Discovery called “Moon Machines”, it’s on youtube too :)
    The episode about the spacesuits, they showed how they put the different spacesuit parts together. They used needle and thread! Suffice to say it leaked air in the vacuum champer, the test pilot almost died.
    They have to fuse the part together by melting the rubber, they cant use needle and thread in a spacesuit :) I guess they used something better after the accident, but it didnt say.
    They tested the spacesuit in Moon gravity environment by using wires. Astronaut could do the most amazing things in the wires, back flips, somersaults, and walk on a wall.

  35. themos

    Unrelated but I have to share this. My 9-year old daughter was (half-)watching a documentary about the Apollo 11 mission and while Buzz and Neil were talking to Houston she asked “Why are they swearing so much?”

    It took me a few seconds to realize that she was talking about the blips.

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