Well, the jokes here write themselves: a woman named Magdelena — srsly — says Jesus has appeared on her toilet lid.
I think it looks more like Charles Manson, but there you go. Feel free to make your own guesses and scatalogical jokes in the comments… and this may be hopeless, but try to be at least marginally adult about it, OK? It’s been a long day and I’m pooped.
Tip o’ the sanitary ring — for your protection! — to Rev. Big Dumb Chimp.
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The original BA site (with the Moon Hoax debunking, movie reviews, and all that) can be found here.
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August 6th, 2009 at 10:03 am
Jesus .. ?! On your dunny lid .. you’re sh***ing me!
August 6th, 2009 at 10:09 am
So what kind of “message” is Jesus meant to be sending here?
Maybe that this is where the gullible people who believe random patterns = divine signs belong?
Maybe that’s His way of admitting Christianity has been going down the toilet lately?
Or maybe its just a case of passing Holy water!
August 6th, 2009 at 10:11 am
Perhaps its Jesus’ rather cryptic way of indicating divine favour for homosexuals?
August 6th, 2009 at 10:12 am
She must have been relieved when she saw it.
August 6th, 2009 at 10:18 am
Actually, they’re all Charles Manson. Every grilled cheese sandwich, every tortilla, every last one of them. Furthermore, the “Virgin Mary” sightings are all members of his family. The face in the Clearwater office window is Lynette Fromme, whilst the face in the Chicago underpass is Susan Atkins. Every rock, every dental x-ray and every tree bears witness to Helter Skelter.
August 6th, 2009 at 10:21 am
I can’t believe I’m even the same feces… I mean species as these people.
August 6th, 2009 at 10:23 am
I see what you did there.
August 6th, 2009 at 10:25 am
Hear that ladies? Jesus says the lid stays UP.
August 6th, 2009 at 10:28 am
Jesus loves me,
This I know.
For the toitee
tells me so…
August 6th, 2009 at 10:29 am
Jesus has appeared on her toilet lid.
Apparently like most blokes He can’t aim properly either!
Wait was that … “appeared” or … well, never mind.
August 6th, 2009 at 10:30 am
Perhaps something he ate at the last supper didn’t agree with him.
August 6th, 2009 at 10:34 am
Sorry Phil. There’s certain things I will not look at, and, while it never occurred to me until today, I’m fairly certain that poop arranged in the form of Jesus Christ is one of those things.
August 6th, 2009 at 10:37 am
2 Peter 3:16 As also in all his epistles, speaking in them of these things; in which are some things hard to be understood, which they that are unlearned and unstable wrest, as they do also the other scriptures, unto their own destruction.
August 6th, 2009 at 10:43 am
Looks more like Jim Morrison in his last year, when he was fat, surly and hirsuit. Break on through to the other side, Jimbo!
August 6th, 2009 at 10:53 am
Finding Jesus:
A Sunday School teacher of pre-schoolers was concerned that her students might be a little confused about Jesus because of the Christmas season emphasis on His birth.
She wanted to make sure they understood that the birth of Jesus occurred a long time ago, that He grew up, etc. So she asked her class: “Where is Jesus today?”
Steven raised his hand and said: “He’s in heaven.”
Mary was called on and answered: “He’s in my heart.”
Little Johnny, waving his hand furiously, blurts out: “I know! I know! He’s in our bathroom!!!”
The whole class got very quiet, looked at the teacher, and waited for a response. The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very long seconds. She finally gathered her wits and asked Little Johnny how he knew this.
And Little Johnny said: “Well… every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells, ‘Jesus Christ, are you still in there?!’.”
August 6th, 2009 at 11:01 am
that lady’s full of s**t..
August 6th, 2009 at 11:10 am
Point of clarification: The image is in a bumper sticker on the toilet lid, not in the, um, contents of the bowl, and pretty much everyone seemed to be treating this story as the lighthearted fluff that it is, with the possible exception of the original lady who found it.
August 6th, 2009 at 11:24 am
,,,and the winner is,,,
15. IVAN3MAN
Gary 7
August 6th, 2009 at 11:54 am
I’m seein’ Rasputin…
Honestly. I’m a bit relieved. (no pun intended) I was thinking that the ‘image’ was going to be visible in the funk encrusted on the lid of her toilet. Before I watched the video, I was wondering what all that funk would be doing on the lid of her toilet.
Oh, and nice self-censorship by the woman during the interview.
Zyg
August 6th, 2009 at 11:56 am
I almost spit my drink all over my monitor! I saw jesus on my toilet seat, but cleaned him off with a sponge and some lysol….. The reporters had way too much fun with the puns and one liners on this one.
August 6th, 2009 at 12:08 pm
That’ll teach the boyfriend to “remember to put the damned lid down”
August 6th, 2009 at 12:08 pm
Clearly the end times are rear.
August 6th, 2009 at 12:10 pm
Holy Crap!
August 6th, 2009 at 12:17 pm
Oh sh*t, it’s Jesus! I mean, oh Jesus, it’s sh*t!
August 6th, 2009 at 12:24 pm
Up next… the shroud of turdin’!
August 6th, 2009 at 12:41 pm
I dunno, that’s kinda weird having Jesus staring at yer arse when you need to go to the bathroom.
I had to pause it and stare for awhile, I did see a doggy but thats about it.
August 6th, 2009 at 12:43 pm
I don’t see anything!?!?! Is this some sort of mass halucination? I just see a big red heart on the bumper sticker.
I love what 8. neoSprockets said! That was funny! Good one!
August 6th, 2009 at 12:46 pm
Wonder how she feels about mooning Jesus all the time now? (can’t listen to the audio at work)
August 6th, 2009 at 12:47 pm
Actually, like Zyggy the first thing I saw was Rasputin. That dude *still* won’t die…
August 6th, 2009 at 12:50 pm
Jesus?
It looks more like Charles Manson to me.
August 6th, 2009 at 12:52 pm
You know, I think the implications of this “Jesus on a toilet bumper sticker” are quite obvious: Jesus needs a new agent. I mean seriously, he’s supposed to be the Son of God (ok, not for me, but for some folks) and all he can manage is grilled cheese and toilet seats? Come on now, Jesus. Time to fire that agent of yours* and get someone new. Someone who can get your face on some bigger profile items.
* As a side note, I wonder if Jesus “firing” his agent would mean things would get hot for the agent.
August 6th, 2009 at 1:03 pm
I am going to start a whole line of “items printed with a vague jesus image already hidden somewhere in them”…people can buy them as gifts and not tell them about the jesus surprise…It is the gift that keeps on giving..and taking…piece of mind from your gullable friends. With any luck, your friend will soon be on television gasping about the odd shadow on their “I am gullable” mug
August 6th, 2009 at 1:11 pm
So, it’s really creepy fetish voyeur Jesus eh? That’s a new one.
August 6th, 2009 at 1:21 pm
Wow, where to start?
Every Savior Poops
Where Would Jesus Go?
Thou shalt not useth the last square of TP without refilling the roll.
Verily I say unto you, can a Son of Man not get some privacy to peruseth the new Entertainment Weekly?
Goeth NOT in there for at least 30 minutes. It couldst raise the dead.
Thy tissue is sandpapery and an abomination.
What fun. I redacted one about the loaves and the fishes. Does the little stick figure on the door have a halo?
August 6th, 2009 at 1:31 pm
holy feces, batman!
August 6th, 2009 at 1:36 pm
Why would Jesus appear in a Las Vegas toilet? That’s Elvis’ territory.
August 6th, 2009 at 2:05 pm
Doesn’t anyone stop and think, “wait, why the heck would Jesus be on a toilet seat in Nevada?”
Bugger, Romeo beat me toilet.
August 6th, 2009 at 2:15 pm
I wish I’d thought of that one.
August 6th, 2009 at 2:26 pm
Or maybe
Where has Jesus Been?
@ 17. Wayne Says:
… pretty much everyone seemed to be treating this story as the lighthearted fluff that it is, with the possible exception of the original lady who found it.
Even she doesn’t seem to be taking it all that seriously .. Mind you, really how could you take this seriously?!?
It reminds me of the time many years ago now when we had a pareidolia “Jesus” image in a patch of salt damp at a Church in South Oz run by .. I kid you not .. a Reverend Nutter!
August 6th, 2009 at 2:31 pm
Someone smack her in the head and listen for the echo.
August 6th, 2009 at 2:39 pm
Darwinism is still hard at work trying to perfect idiocy.
August 6th, 2009 at 2:47 pm
When asked off the record, the boyfriend said that he is really tired of this sh!t.
August 6th, 2009 at 2:54 pm
Since there are no photographs of a person, who may or may not have lived at that time, named Jesus, how does anyone know what he may have looked like?
Aren’t many of the images similar to likenesses painted by famous painters who lived long after the real, or not real, Jesus did?
Just asking!
August 6th, 2009 at 3:55 pm
@NewEnglandBob: don’t bother listening for an echo. Sound doesn’t travel through per vacuo.
August 6th, 2009 at 4:12 pm
Jesus appears to be suffering from a bad case of the mumps. Did He neglect to get His inoculations?
August 6th, 2009 at 4:26 pm
“The economy is in the toilet”
and so is Jesus.
August 6th, 2009 at 4:31 pm
You know you’ve got a problem when you keep seeing faeces everywhere and it isn’t pareidolia.
August 6th, 2009 at 4:32 pm
To be honest, I HAVE prayed at that altar before.
August 6th, 2009 at 5:40 pm
Wait, so the woman was surprised by an “I LOVE JESUS” sticker appearing on her toilet-seat? I don’t understand the video.
August 6th, 2009 at 5:48 pm
Reminds me of a song about pareidolia:
“Butt For The Grace” by the Rev. Billy C. Wirtz:
Six months ago last Saturday
We took my Uncle Ed to a seafood buffet
He ate and ate till his belly was packed
It must have been the fried shrimp that made him react
Broke out in a godawful rash, had to get the Gold Bond triple-action medicated fast-acting powder
Next morning his rash had all gone away
Except for one little spot, and to his dismay
The rash was in the middle of his lower left cheek
He turned around and then he gave it a peek
Then he hollered, “JESUS CHRIST!!”
And then he fainted
Buddy, we came running
We soon found out that his odd behavior
Was indeed on account of our Lord and Savior
The rash in the middle of his lower left bum
Looked exactly like the face of the Blessed One
Mama started praying to it
Daddy started laughing at it
Sister went and called Action News 5
Soon there was reporters all over the place
They put a fuzzy blue dot in front of Uncle Ed’s face
One reporter said “Folks, what we have here
Gives a whole new meaning to The End Is Near”
This might be Jesus
It could be Willie Nelson
Details and dermatologists at 11
Next morning Uncle Ed opened up the front door
And there was people lined up for twenty blocks or more
August 6th, 2009 at 6:21 pm
Funny, I looked at the picture and didn’t see Jesus. I saw evidence of Anthropogenic Global Warming. Saw it on my toast this morning, too, and on a tortilla the day before. I’d post the pics, but you’d just try to discredit them.
August 6th, 2009 at 6:30 pm
I take this as evidence that Jesus endorses gambling. Viva Las Jesus, baby.
August 6th, 2009 at 6:48 pm
===================================================
TEN NEW COMMANDMENTS FOUND! (Source: Weekly World News)
===================================================
1. I am the one God of all faiths. Thou shalt stop bickering about it.
2. Thou shalt not make thee a graven image upon toast or other comestibles and declare it to be holy.
3. Thou shalt not make war to obtain thy neighbor’s resources.
4. Thou shalt hold thy mother and father close to thy bosom, putting them not in rest homes.
5. Thou shalt not abandon thy children upon divorce.
6. Thou shalt not allow thy God-given girth to exceed thy height.
7. Thou shalt speak and frolic with thy offspring and not place them before colored boxes of gaming.
8. Thou shalt not press makers of noise or gesture in anger whilst in transit.
9. Thou shalt discard containers of plastic and metal appropriately.
10. Thou shalt not worship the housewives who are desperate, nor their box, upon the Sabbath
August 6th, 2009 at 7:02 pm
@Lonny Eachus
There is some ambiguity to number 10 that Australians of a certain vintage might find hilarious.
August 6th, 2009 at 7:06 pm
I did not know Jesus was European
August 6th, 2009 at 7:10 pm
The eschatological significance of this movement leaves one feeling voided, discharged, evacuated and empty.
August 6th, 2009 at 7:41 pm
If it was really Jesus, the lid would have been raised.
August 6th, 2009 at 7:49 pm
Finding religion sure beats crabs.
August 6th, 2009 at 8:07 pm
He can roll back a rock, but can’t lift a seat.
August 6th, 2009 at 8:11 pm
I have to go.
August 6th, 2009 at 9:23 pm
couldn’t she put a lid on it.
August 7th, 2009 at 2:48 am
I’d be hesitant about using it too…
The LAST thing I’d want to do is piss-off Jesus.
August 7th, 2009 at 3:31 am
@43
lol, ya. There is no picture of what Jesus looked like, just a picture that has become traditionally linked somehow. Which is rather interesting considering how many people swear it’s the image of the Christ and a certain commandment..
August 7th, 2009 at 5:38 am
Looks like Rasputin to me.
August 7th, 2009 at 5:40 am
He is everywhere, right?
August 7th, 2009 at 6:33 am
how about this one:
http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/article.html?in_article_id=24217&in_page_id=2
Jesus has gone to the dogs. No ands ifs or butts!
August 7th, 2009 at 6:39 am
What happens in Vegas, really needs to STAY in Vegas. This lady really needs to get a life!
August 7th, 2009 at 9:58 am
Were she taking it seriously, then I would say the contents of said vessel are deposited in her cranium with each flush. Alternatively, she was hoping for publicity just for the sake of it, in which case, she is just sad.
August 7th, 2009 at 10:16 am
Now if she only had a Holy Ghost tissue caddy and Holy Father towel bar, she’d have the complete Trinity Bathroom set! (Only $19.99 plus shipping – CALL NOW!)
August 7th, 2009 at 12:23 pm
Looks like Tommy Chong to me. At least that would explain the giggling, and the hallucinations.
August 7th, 2009 at 4:32 pm
The love of Jesus tinkles down on us all.
August 7th, 2009 at 9:04 pm
Well, they do say Jesus used to visit the filthy places to get followers, so maybe his image appearing on a toilet lid makes a bit of sense.
August 9th, 2009 at 7:09 am
41. John:
,,,and to paraphrase Prof Einstein ” Genius has its limits. Unfortunately, the same cannot be said for stupidity.”
Evolution has to do things by the Random Walk scenario, so it takes a looonnnggg time.
Now, if reality was DESIGNED,,,
Gary 7
August 9th, 2009 at 9:42 am
You know, if I were Jesus, I would be kind of pissed that someone thinks they see me on a tolilet seat.
August 9th, 2009 at 11:35 am
74. Lugosi:
Well, I guess that’s better than seeing his face peeking at one from the hole in an airport mens room.
Gary 7
August 9th, 2009 at 1:26 pm
My grandmother told me that Jesus was a brown haired, blue eyed Catholic.
August 9th, 2009 at 3:40 pm
I’m pretty sure that’s Gary Oldman
August 9th, 2009 at 11:18 pm
@ 76 Charles J. Slavis :
My grandmother told me that Jesus was a brown haired, blue eyed Catholic.
Nah, Jesus is really a black dude – didn’t you see the movie ‘Dogma’?
Christ, Jesus appearing on a toilet seat of all places – like that’ll convince folks you’re real?! Holy c**p. Daddy will be disappointed if that’s the best you can do!