I've always wanted to write for comic books

By Phil Plait | February 6, 2010 1:07 pm

batman_generatorI knew writing comic book dialog was easy! This is a brilliant idea. Geez, I need to start thinking of stuff like this myself. Step 3: profit!

And yes, I wrote those lines myself. Use ’em if you want, but if you don’t credit me the batarang’ll be paying you a visit.


Comments (41)

  1. Zucchi

    Excellent. Already did mine:

    Robin: I thought people got spankings on their birthday!

    Batman: Why couldn’t you stay 15 forever? *sob*

  2. Yeah, that’s pretty much what I do. ūüėÄ

  3. I really shouldn’t read funny things while eating. Here’s the one I made last night:
    Robin: I’m working on something that’ll make Batmobiles obsol–
    Batman: What do you mean my Batmobile’s obsolete?

  4. Gabby

    Easy? EASY?!! Harumph…This from a guy who looks up for a living.
    Alright, but let’s see you Illustrate one. I’m gonna need you to complete 20 pages, that’s roughly 120-140 illustrations, and I need it in three weeks. So help me, if it doesn’t flow I’ll have your head on a platter!! :)

  5. Fernando

    My idea:
    ROBIN: The new McLaren Mp4-25 makes the Batmobile horrible
    BATMAN: What the f……k? It is a Ferrari!!!!!!

  6. Fernando

    Note: Some people compared the new McLaren Formula 1 car with the batmobile.
    watch it in the official f1 site to compare.

  7. Harman Smith

    I don’t think I ever read a comic book.

  8. ABR.

    Robin: But it was just a cameo in the X-Men anniversary issue!

    Batman: You’ve betrayed D.C. Comics…and me!

    Or how about…

    Robin: Unh!
    Batman: Believe me, this hurts me more than it hurts you, old chum!

  9. Yes, even though Robin didn’t lay the egg somehow it is still his fault the joker got away?

  10. Robin: It was just one date!
    Batman: Didn’t we settle this? Catwoman is MINE!

    Or else:

    Robin: Now that I have my driver’s license, can’t I drive the Batmobile?
    Batman: Nobody touches my car but me!

  11. Nemo

    I don’t get the egg thing. But now I’m curious what the original words were.

  12. Jason

    Robin: I’ve been thinking of seeing a homeopath abou…
    Batman: Hiya! That outta knock some sense into you!

  13. Bolo

    Not my original idea, but its too good to not copy here:


    Robin: What did your parents get your for Christmas?
    Batman: My parents are DEAD!

  14. Someone else already came up with the same idea as me, ah well


    Robin: And so I thought I would try a homeopathic remedy inst..argghhg!
    Batman: You’ll thank me later!

  15. paradoctor

    Robin: Look, Bats, I’ve been dating the big blue schoolboy on the side, OK?
    Batman: BITCH!

  16. bela okmyx

    @Nemo: the egg thing is a parody of “Jingle Bells”:

    Jingle bells, Batman smells
    Robin laid an egg
    The Batmobile lost a wheel
    And Joker got away

    However, the correct version is this:

    Jingle Bells, Batman smells
    Commissioner broke his leg
    The Batmobile lost a wheel
    And Robin laid an egg

    Why is the first version wrong? A: It give away the punch line at the beginning, rather than at the end where it belongs, and B: it doesn’t even rhyme, for Pete’s sake!

    Feel free to vigorously disagree (i.e. flame) below.

  17. @ bela okmyx

    Gotta love diversity, the version I grew up with was,

    Jingle Bells, Batman smells
    Robin flew away
    The Batmobile lost a wheel
    All on Christmas day.

  18. No, no, no!

    Jingle bells, Batman smells,
    Robin laid an egg.
    The batmobile lost a wheel
    and the commissioner has to pay.


  19. endeavour

    The version we used to sing at school in Australia was:
    Jingle Bells, Batman smells
    Robin flies away
    The Batmobile lost its wheel
    Smoking ‘Craven A’ [a popular cigarette brand in the 50s and 60s]

    By the time my youngest siblings were at school in the 70s, the last line had been changed to remove the smoking reference and became

    The Batmobile lost its wheel
    and that’s all I can say!

  20. Rob

    Batman, Robin discuss Near Earth Asteroid contingencies:

  21. Tom K

    Gotta go with the obvious:

  22. Those above me are all great, folks!


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