Flagrantly Egregious Malfeasance Agency

By Sean Carroll | September 5, 2005 10:42 pm

Okay, a new contest: come up with more appropriate acronyms for FEMA. No profanity allowed, despite the obvious temptation. For inspirational purposes, visit Shakespeare’s Sister and check out Cookie Jill‘s list of above-and-beyond measures by this fine agency — not simply everyday unhelpfulness, but making an active effort to prevent anyone else from helping.

Here is my favorite, unimpeachable in its objectivity because it is from FEMA’s very own press release!

First Responders Urged Not To Respond To Hurricane Impact Areas Unless Dispatched By State, Local Authorities

Release Date: August 29, 2005
Release Number: HQ-05-174

WASHINGTON D.C. — Michael D. Brown, Under Secretary of Homeland Security for Emergency Preparedness and Response and head of the Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA), today urged all fire and emergency services departments not to respond to counties and states affected by Hurricane Katrina without being requested and lawfully dispatched by state and local authorities under mutual aid agreements and the Emergency Management Assistance Compact.

“The response to Hurricane Katrina must be well coordinated between federal, state and local officials to most effectively protect life and property,” Brown said. “We appreciate the willingness and generosity of our Nation’s first responders to deploy during disasters. But such efforts must be coordinated so that fire-rescue efforts are the most effective possible.”

Thank goodness the benevolent hand of Michael Brown was able to prevent any unlawful rescue operations from messing things up in New Orleans. Who know what kind of confusion might have resulted if things hadn’t been so well-coordinated?

  • http://blogs.discovermagazine.com/cosmicvariance/risa/ Risa

    Fumbling Eviscerated Misallocated Agency.

    Furiously Evitating Misanthropic Agency.

  • http://www.math.ucdavis.edu/~greg/ Greg Kuperberg

    Federal Emergency Mismanagement Agency

  • Fyodor Uckoff

    Fools Expect Miraculous Assistance.

  • The Anti-Bush

    Flimsy Excuse for a Meaningful Agency.

    Famous Example of Moronic Activity.

    Foul Excrement from a Monumental Anus.

    Furious? Enraged? Moi Aussi.

    Failed to Expect Meteorological Armageddon.

    Finally Evacuating Many Areas.

  • Athena

    Flout External Magnanimous Acts
    First Evacuate Most Affluent
    Fumigate Encroaching Minority Abodes
    Full-blown Egos Mismanage Affairs

  • http://www.chrononaut.org/~dm/ David Moles

    Former Emergency Management Agency.

    It was doing okay till this administration decided to gut it, emasculate it, and staff it with hacks.

  • erc

    Fiasco Enhancement by Minimising Assistance


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Random samplings from a universe of ideas.

About Sean Carroll

Sean Carroll is a Senior Research Associate in the Department of Physics at the California Institute of Technology. His research interests include theoretical aspects of cosmology, field theory, and gravitation. His most recent book is The Particle at the End of the Universe, about the Large Hadron Collider and the search for the Higgs boson. Here are some of his favorite blog posts, home page, and email: carroll [at] cosmicvariance.com .


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