Bacon mints are simply a crime against nature.

A big part of the problem in my experience is that “vodka” seems to mean something very different in America compared to Europe. In Europe, it is a subtle, sometimes robust, drink that quite definitely has a characteristic flavor. In America, however, Vodka seems to be to made as pure, neutral and tasteless as possible, with its appeal primarily depending on brand (e.g. Grey Goose).

And sadly, it seems that most people in online discussions have only ever experienced the American version of vodka…

and I agree about the vodka as well. Good vodka a very enjoyable experience and certainly not a completely flavourless one.

Same goes for whiskey: I’ma slap the next guy who orders a single malt on ice.

Martinis I’m an old man for; 2-1 gin-vermouth, shake with ice, olive.

So incestuous are we, even when non-science related?

I bristle at all these bars and restaurants I go to with “_______ Martini” where the first word is ultimately negating of the second. Chocolate. Dirty. Fruitastic. Whatever. The Wife calls me a stickler, but I hold firm in this.

Not as firm as you. I will grant the vodka variations that extend to subbing vodka for gin and a lemon twist for an olive, but that is the sole extension I provide. While I lean toward the austerity of the mere hint of gin, the google image search variety is a bit more saharan than I’ll go for usually.

It’s been many a year since I’ve had a martini, in part because most bartenders are too debased and depraved to learn the appropriate and proper technique * and also because making them at home usually ends with me being awakened by my spouse, who has had to crouch under the desk to find me. She’s surprisingly judgmental about that kind of thing.

*For my druthers, the ideal martini is whisper dry and goes like so. A chilled martini glass, often submerged in ice up to the bottom of the cup. Remove glass. Fill with ice to rim. Pour in vermouth. Swirl around until icy vermouth has coated all inner glass surfaces. Pour out completely. Add tiny dollop of vermouth to very bottom of glass. Add in icy cold gin to near rim. Place gently inside one plastic spear of three smallish regular cocktail style olives.

Heaven.