Comments on: Children: The Ultimate Kill-Joys

By: TherumMonkey

TherumMonkey — Thu, 15 May 2008 23:03:03 +0000

Perhaps it is not so much having children, but more along the lines of having children in societies organized in a manner much different to the ones we evolved in. The mindset of many (at least Americans) is that happiness and success is gauged by tangible assets (e.g. income, size of home, vehicles etc….), and trying to raise children while also trying to maintain pre-parenthood levels of “success” are not always compatible goals. We are not satisfied sacrificing our pocketbooks in order to provide for children. Also, the (relative to our existence) recent shift from extended family units to the nuclear family also puts further stress on parents where once grandparents, uncles, and cousins and even friends/neighbors were all available to assist with child rearing. I believe removing the “delusions of joy” would be possible if parents had access to a wider network of support while at the same time adjusting the measuring stick of “wealth.”

By: Mark SV

Mark SV — Thu, 15 May 2008 22:26:31 +0000

Studies like this seem to indicate a predisposition. If there were correlations to other studies indicating regret of ever having children by most parents or a predominate sense of fulfillment by childless couples, it might have more weight. This study seems to measure a very thin dimension of happiness related to child-rearing. All I can say (one anecdotal experience) is that I’m thankful for my two sons (18, 15) and, though having some tough times, would readily have repeated the experience.

By: daveM

daveM — Thu, 15 May 2008 16:44:59 +0000

An interesting observation but I wonder if Gilbert jumps too quickly to children as the cause of the unhappiness. Maybe it would be more appropriate to say that it is the expectations parents feel about who their children should be that is the source; or even the stress parents feel of trying to raise those children in the face of overwhelming (some would say intrusive) social and media pressures.

By: PlayaBabe

PlayaBabe — Fri, 09 May 2008 23:13:42 +0000

wow. i think having kids is more rational than paying two g’s for a dog purse.

By: JoshL

JoshL — Fri, 09 May 2008 23:07:34 +0000

So how do you explain this woman’s happiness???

Just kidding. Did I mention her kids’ names all start with J?

By: mike

mike — Fri, 09 May 2008 05:20:53 +0000

hah! i knew it.

i’ve also seen research showing that people in their 40s/50s are more likely to be depressed. this period coincides with having teenage kids, i.e. era of peak sadness. have these studies been conducted in such a way that you can separate the effect of age vs the effect of offspring?