Are you religious, but find yourself with no time to pray? Then Information Age Prayer has the solution you need. For just $4.95 a month, this online service will have your prayers said for you.
The program uses text-to-speech synthesizers to say prayers in a voice designed to emulate the volume and speed of an average praying person. Choose from Protestant, Catholic, Jewish, Muslim, and if you’re unaffiliated, no problem! They’ve got options for you as well.
Prices for the prayers vary, depending on the length. You can subscribe to daily prayers, mourning prayers, prayers for the sick, and for children (the cheapest). There’s even a prayer for economic stability, which “asks God to improve the economy and to enable us to support ourselves ‘in honor but not in disgrace’”—this one is offered at a discount rate. And, ever so responsibly, the site reminds you: “Take care, this prayer is not an alternative to fiscal responsibility!”
The company seeks to strengthen subscribers’ connections with God, but makes the disclaimer: “As with all prayer, the final results are up to God as everything follows His will. We make no claims regarding the efficacy of the service.”
Go ahead—”Make God’s task easy” today!
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Image: Flickr / TheAlieness GiselaGiardino
March 26th, 2009 at 8:20 pm
[...] View post: No Time to Pray? No Problem! Your Computer Can Do It For You … [...]
March 27th, 2009 at 7:21 am
Science fiction comes true once again. This exact service is described in Margaret Atwood’s _The Handmaid’s Tale_.
(It also calls to mind Douglas Adams’s electronic monk from the first Dirk Gently book, a device which can be programmed to believe in things for people who don’t have time to believe in things themselves.)
April 2nd, 2009 at 11:50 am
Unfortunately my computer doesn’t have a soul, so it’s ability to communicate with God will be severely hampered. God’s “ears” don’t work in the audible range, rather in the spiritual realm.
April 7th, 2009 at 6:46 pm
No, Ritchie, things aren’t true just because you say them.
April 23rd, 2009 at 9:42 am
How about putting your face on the computer screen and having it say affirmations in front of a mirror? Will that work?
May 19th, 2009 at 7:28 pm
I’m still waiting for this to be a link on theonion.com, but to my dismay, it’s not.
Here are some free alternatives to paying $4.95/month:
1. Take 30 seconds and pray – you can even do this in your car!
2. Many churches have free “prayer forms” that actual people pray and intercede for you.
3. Setup an Outlook reminder to pray.
4. Program your phone to call you at a certain time of the day. Get a custom ring-tone, and let that be a reminder to pray for your family, or whoever.
5. Put a prayer list on your fridge. Every time you get something from the fridge, say a quick prayer for someone on the list.
6. Step away from the internet and tell God you miss talking with Him. I’m sure He misses you too!
July 7th, 2009 at 5:16 pm
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September 30th, 2009 at 3:12 am
Isn’t the point of prayer intention … Isn’t that what makes it so powerful, enabling you to connect with God through your loving relationship >.> ?
That’s like getting a machine to ring your friend and leave a happy birthday message on their answering service… sheesh.
September 30th, 2009 at 3:14 am
Oh yeh.. and the whole thing is…. This is based around greed. Someone making money out of peoples faith – that’s beyond shameful.
November 21st, 2009 at 11:13 am
completely agree with catherine