NCBI ROFL: My love for you has many layers, like the onion…that I put in your va-jay-jay.

By ncbi rofl | March 26, 2010 6:00 pm

onionAn unusual case of vaginal tumour.

“A young unmarried woman aged 24 years, suffering from cancerophobia, came to the clinic in an acute anxiety state, convinced that she had a malignant growth, having, she stated, only that morning felt a hard lump in the vagina.

She was a well-nourished person and there was no history of loss of weight, menstrual iregularity, or vaginal discharge; nor was there any previous history of gynaecological or other relevant disorder. She did, however, exhibit signs of emotional distress with sweaty palms and tachycardia.

Examination.
A large, hard, smooth lump filed the vagina. On removal it was found to be a globular circumscribed object, possessing no capsule, and on section was seen to have a laminated structure (Figure). It was identified as a specimen of “liliaceaeoma” or an Allium cepa.

The encyclopaedia defines the Allium cepa as one of the family Liliaceae. It has been cultivated from ancient times and probably originated in Asia. The edible part is the bulb containing an acrid volatile oil, giving a strong flavour. The allium is a bienial, the common species producing a bulb in the first season and seeds in the second. The example shewn is evidently of the first season.

Result.
On being informed that she had no cancer, but rather an onion, the patient shewed no signs of pleasure or of gratitude on being so quickly cured of her complaint and relieved of her anxiety. Instead she exhibited signs of anger, the reason for which was the same as had caused the presence of this unexpected vegetable in such an unusual garden. It appeared that her male consort and herself had indulged very freely in alcohol on the previous evening and that he had departed sometime during the night leaving her in a deep sleep on the bed. The removal of the onion from a bunch of its fellows hanging on the back of the door, and its subsequent insertion, had been his parting gesture of affection.”

[This is the full article, but the free PDF is also available here.]

tumour

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  • Quasi

    Here is another, similar example:

    M B Randall, R P Vance, i T H McCalmont, “Xenolingual autoeroticism,” The American Journal of Forensic Medicine and Pathology: Official Publication of the National Association of Medical Examiners 11, no. 1 (Marzec 1990): 89-92.
    http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/2305756

  • Dr. M. Eme

    Rule 34. No Exceptions.

  • What the F.

    This is a story about sexual violence and lack of consent. Why is this in a scientific journal?

  • What the F. Too

    and it’s not funny in the least. what’s up with the ROFL in the title? Rape Culture is really a drag, man.

  • A little bit of rationality

    Did you miss the part where it said “It appeared that *her male consort and herself* had indulged very freely in alcohol on the previous evening and that he had departed sometime during the night leaving her in a deep sleep on the bed.”

    I think folks just want to raise the alarm bells in this. There’s no reason to think it wasn’t consensual – by her own admission, she just may not have remembered it.

  • Rukmini Pillai

    The last sentence -‘The removal of the onion from a bunch of its fellows hanging on the back of the door, and its subsequent insertion, had been his parting gesture of affection.’ – is reminiscent of the writings of Giovanni Boccaccio. Perchance the writer of this document a fan of Boccaccio?

  • http://www.you-can-win.tk/ Gangsta

    Really, really thx for good information. ;)

  • Jockaira

    “…his parting gesture of affection.”

    More likely an editorial comment!

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NCBI ROFL is the brainchild of two Molecular and Cell Biology graduate students at UC Berkeley and features real research articles from the PubMed database (which is housed by the National Center for Biotechnology information, aka NCBI) that they find amusing (ROFL is a commonly-used internet acronym for "rolling on the floor, laughing"). Follow us on twitter: @ncbirofl

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