NCBI ROFL: Easter special: Stigmata? Or legitimate post-mortem exam?

By ncbi rofl | April 22, 2011 7:00 pm

The crucifixion and death of a man called Jesus

“In summary, I would suggest that Jesus was unable to carry his cross because of his cruel treatment and scourging. He then fell with the 100 pound crosspiece on his back and was unable to break the fall because his outstretched hands were tied to the crosspiece. This resulted in blunt chest trauma and a contused heart. On the cross the workload of the heart was greatly increased due to multiple factors, but primarily the increased effort necessary to breathe. This resulted in a rupture of the free wall of the heart, which caused Jesus to cry out in a loud voice and suddenly die. This cause of death is confirmed for us by the sword pierce to the side which resulted in the flow of blood and water. In effect, that was a brief and legitimate postmortem exam. JESUS WAS DEAD! THAT WAS FRIDAY! SUNDAY WAS COMING!”

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Thanks to Heather G. for today’s ROFL!

Photo: flickr/nikoretro

Related content:
Discoblog: NCBI ROFL: Science vs. Religion: Solved.
Discoblog: NCBI ROFL: The circumcision of Jesus Christ.
Discoblog: NCBI ROFL: Churchgoing may be hazardous to your health.

WTF is NCBI ROFL? Read our FAQ!

  • RECMSOJ

    Friendly Note: the second NCBI ROFL Link points to the first article (S vs. R:…..), not the intended one about Circumcision.

    • ncbi rofl

      Whoops – thanks for the heads-up! It’s fixed now.

  • sog

    the same author also published a follow up couple of years ago:

    http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/19297901

    The crucifixion revisited.

    Abstract
    This article is a follow up of an original article by the author on the crucifixion of Jesus published in the March 1989 issue of the JMSMA. The pathogenesis of the death of Jesus is still widely debated with vastly divergent views as to the specific cause of His death. The author’s views have been challenged in the literature. As a result, he has done spirometry studies of volunteers hanging on a cross and has a better understanding of the physiology of the terminal events. That information is presented in this update.

  • Matt B.

    And Christians everywhere today will celebrate Jesus’s final miracle–making the 36 hours from sunset on Friday to sunrise on Sunday last 3 days.

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About ncbi rofl

NCBI ROFL is the brainchild of two Molecular and Cell Biology graduate students at UC Berkeley and features real research articles from the PubMed database (which is housed by the National Center for Biotechnology information, aka NCBI) that they find amusing (ROFL is a commonly-used internet acronym for "rolling on the floor, laughing"). Follow us on twitter: @ncbirofl

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