Detroit’s economy might be seriously suffering, but for one industry, business is booming: Medical marijuana. Since Michigan enacted a law legalizing medicinal marijuana last April, the crop has generated “tens of millions of dollars collectively,” according to a statement from Med Grow Cannabis College, located just outside of Detroit:
“”With a vast majority of the community in Metro Detroit supporting safe medical marijuana use, many people are looking into the industry as a viable career path,” said [president and founder of Med Grow] Nick Tennant.”
The school opened in September and has since had more than a thousand graduates. The demand for doctor-advised, medical use of marijuana seems to be growing like a weed, so to speak. And according to Med Grow, the canna-business is an open field with plenty of room for those left unemployed in the state’s infamously bad economy:
Talk about sticking to your mantra. Google—overlord of the Internet, juggernaut of all data crunchers, right hand of the god of algorithms—is doing a little digging into human resources. Specifically, the company is worried about brain drain, particularly in the wake of several top executives announcing their departure. And given that the Web giant spends a pretty penny on hiring and training just the right group of geniuses to man its world-controlling desks, a mass exodus could dent its status as the Master of All Web Innovation.
So what did management do to determine which bright minds were most likely to give notice? They created an algorithm. Performance reviews, pay raises, promotion histories, and other data on its 20,000 employees were crunched into yet another mathematical formula, which reportedly spat out the names of who was most likely to quit.
It seems that every passing day brings more bad economic news—but it’s not just your wallet that’s taking a hit from the recession. New research indicates that your teeth and liver (not to mention your waistline) are as well.
Rehab centers have reported a sharp rise in the number of bankers (and other white-collar workers) seeking treatment for substance abuse, depression, or both.
When people have less money, they tend to do less of certain things, like buy $3,000 jackets, order the $250 omakase, and pick up diamond-encrusted lingerie for their penthouse-dwelling mistresses. They also don’t typically fork over as much cash for vacations to beaches, islands, and other ocean-bordering locales.
The good news: Since all these recession-battered folks are crouched in their living rooms watching their 401K values plummet on a laptop screen, they aren’t swimming and cavorting in waters that are also frequented by permanent residents, such as sharks. With fewer humans and sharks in physical proximity, we have fewer chances for said sharks to munch on passing surfers and snorklers. Logical? Absolutely.
Of course, all logic can be twisted and mangled with a little help from the English language. Which brings us to the following LiveScience headline: “Economic Recession Means Fewer Shark Attacks.”Ah where shall we begin…
Yes, it’s true: The economic crisis has not only clobbered the restaurant industry, but now it’s brought at least one business to hire monkeys. CNN reports that a sake house in Tokyo has “recruited” two Japanese Macaques as waitstaff. Yes, you heard right—they’re using trained monkeys as employees.
The monkeys’ job duties—which can last no more than two hours a day to avoid violating animal rights regulations—include offering hot towels to diners, delivering change, and serving beers. While health regulations in the area are as strict as anywhere else, the monkeys have been “deemed sanitary” by health inspectors so long as they wear their (adorable) checkered kimono uniforms.