Comments on: The peril of positive thinking – why positive messages hurt people with low self-esteem http://blogs.discovermagazine.com/notrocketscience/2009/05/27/the-peril-of-positive-thinking-why-positive-messages-hurt-people-with-low-self-esteem/ Dive into the awe-inspiring, beautiful and quirky world of science news with award-winning writer Ed Yong. No previous experience required. Sat, 26 May 2012 10:52:26 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 By: All the Lonely People « Feed The Spark http://blogs.discovermagazine.com/notrocketscience/2009/05/27/the-peril-of-positive-thinking-why-positive-messages-hurt-people-with-low-self-esteem/comment-page-1/#comment-38329 All the Lonely People « Feed The Spark Mon, 14 Mar 2011 07:25:37 +0000 http://blogs.discovermagazine.com/notrocketscience/2009/05/27/the-peril-of-positive-thinking-why-positive-messages-hurt-people-with-low-self-esteem/#comment-38329 [...] constant improvement does seem to imply a basic dissatisfaction with the status quo. Similar to how positive thinking is actually damaging to persons with low self-esteem, I can see how goal-setting would really set you off if you saw too many things wrong in your [...] [...] constant improvement does seem to imply a basic dissatisfaction with the status quo. Similar to how positive thinking is actually damaging to persons with low self-esteem, I can see how goal-setting would really set you off if you saw too many things wrong in your [...]

]]> By: Gwenny http://blogs.discovermagazine.com/notrocketscience/2009/05/27/the-peril-of-positive-thinking-why-positive-messages-hurt-people-with-low-self-esteem/comment-page-1/#comment-37662 Gwenny Tue, 08 Mar 2011 20:52:06 +0000 http://blogs.discovermagazine.com/notrocketscience/2009/05/27/the-peril-of-positive-thinking-why-positive-messages-hurt-people-with-low-self-esteem/#comment-37662 I found, as she says, that my first attempts at positive self talk were fail. I had years of being told I was stupid, ugly fat and no one would love me . . from my mother, who actually attempting killing me at one point, to my first husband who has serious issues of his own. But I found an author who said, hey, if you can't say "I love myself" say "I can think about loving myself." I started there. Being willing to accept that I could change and feel better about myself. It's been about 12 years since I read her book the first time. I'm bi polar, so progress can be fits and starts for me. But progress has been made. I can now say that I accept myself the way I am and I love myself. I am to the point where I think I have re-written my own self image enough to shed my extra weight. Sure, it took me 4 decades, but I did it alone. It has to be easier if you have help. I found, as she says, that my first attempts at positive self talk were fail. I had years of being told I was stupid, ugly fat and no one would love me . . from my mother, who actually attempting killing me at one point, to my first husband who has serious issues of his own. But I found an author who said, hey, if you can’t say “I love myself” say “I can think about loving myself.” I started there. Being willing to accept that I could change and feel better about myself. It’s been about 12 years since I read her book the first time. I’m bi polar, so progress can be fits and starts for me. But progress has been made. I can now say that I accept myself the way I am and I love myself. I am to the point where I think I have re-written my own self image enough to shed my extra weight. Sure, it took me 4 decades, but I did it alone. It has to be easier if you have help.

]]> By: ESL http://blogs.discovermagazine.com/notrocketscience/2009/05/27/the-peril-of-positive-thinking-why-positive-messages-hurt-people-with-low-self-esteem/comment-page-1/#comment-34145 ESL Tue, 28 Dec 2010 21:09:22 +0000 http://blogs.discovermagazine.com/notrocketscience/2009/05/27/the-peril-of-positive-thinking-why-positive-messages-hurt-people-with-low-self-esteem/#comment-34145 I feel Wood has some good points in her last comments. SPECIFIC comments about things you are good at, or have been complimented on are much more effective than sweeping flowery GENERAL ones. Regardless of how little they may seem, little things have a way of building up :) I feel Wood has some good points in her last comments. SPECIFIC comments about things you are good at, or have been complimented on are much more effective than sweeping flowery GENERAL ones.

Regardless of how little they may seem, little things have a way of building up :)

]]> By: Sas http://blogs.discovermagazine.com/notrocketscience/2009/05/27/the-peril-of-positive-thinking-why-positive-messages-hurt-people-with-low-self-esteem/comment-page-1/#comment-28098 Sas Tue, 16 Nov 2010 21:12:51 +0000 http://blogs.discovermagazine.com/notrocketscience/2009/05/27/the-peril-of-positive-thinking-why-positive-messages-hurt-people-with-low-self-esteem/#comment-28098 Avadeyena (and several others) hit the nail on the head - it's not so much the idea of positive affirmations that doesn't work, it's meaningless ones that you can easily disagree with! I've tried affirmations (not for depression or low self esteem in my case, but for attempting to change my behaviour/habits) and found them utterly useless (and actually pretty cringeworthy) as I was telling myself something that was self-evidently untrue, no matter how much I wanted it to be true. I just couldn't lie to myself; all it did was make me think about the evidence to the contrary, and about how stupid it sounded saying it! The only kind of affirmations I've been able to stomach are those which are based on any improvements I have seen in myself, which is essentially a case of recognising my own achievements and "patting myself on the back", but it only works if there really have been some tangible improvements to remind myself of. I don't think the issue is so much whether the person has high or low self esteem, it's just that the affirmation used in the study was one which people with low self esteem could easily disagree with and those with higher self esteem could buy into. Obviously this link with self esteem will be the same for many different affirmations - if someone doesn't think they're that great they're going to easily find something to disagree with in any statement that implies that they are! Avadeyena's example of "I have nice eyes" is really good as it is such a specific and personal compliment that they have heard so many times that it would be difficult to deny it; although of course I suppose a really seriously depressed person could probably find some negative spin to put on it, like thinking "but there's nothing else good about me!". Avadeyena (and several others) hit the nail on the head – it’s not so much the idea of positive affirmations that doesn’t work, it’s meaningless ones that you can easily disagree with! I’ve tried affirmations (not for depression or low self esteem in my case, but for attempting to change my behaviour/habits) and found them utterly useless (and actually pretty cringeworthy) as I was telling myself something that was self-evidently untrue, no matter how much I wanted it to be true. I just couldn’t lie to myself; all it did was make me think about the evidence to the contrary, and about how stupid it sounded saying it! The only kind of affirmations I’ve been able to stomach are those which are based on any improvements I have seen in myself, which is essentially a case of recognising my own achievements and “patting myself on the back”, but it only works if there really have been some tangible improvements to remind myself of.

I don’t think the issue is so much whether the person has high or low self esteem, it’s just that the affirmation used in the study was one which people with low self esteem could easily disagree with and those with higher self esteem could buy into. Obviously this link with self esteem will be the same for many different affirmations – if someone doesn’t think they’re that great they’re going to easily find something to disagree with in any statement that implies that they are! Avadeyena’s example of “I have nice eyes” is really good as it is such a specific and personal compliment that they have heard so many times that it would be difficult to deny it; although of course I suppose a really seriously depressed person could probably find some negative spin to put on it, like thinking “but there’s nothing else good about me!”.

]]> By: pame stoixima http://blogs.discovermagazine.com/notrocketscience/2009/05/27/the-peril-of-positive-thinking-why-positive-messages-hurt-people-with-low-self-esteem/comment-page-1/#comment-4095 pame stoixima Fri, 19 Mar 2010 07:15:04 +0000 http://blogs.discovermagazine.com/notrocketscience/2009/05/27/the-peril-of-positive-thinking-why-positive-messages-hurt-people-with-low-self-esteem/#comment-4095 You can't lie to yourself. So simple :) You can’t lie to yourself. So simple :)

]]> By: Avadeyena http://blogs.discovermagazine.com/notrocketscience/2009/05/27/the-peril-of-positive-thinking-why-positive-messages-hurt-people-with-low-self-esteem/comment-page-1/#comment-4094 Avadeyena Sun, 20 Dec 2009 02:50:13 +0000 http://blogs.discovermagazine.com/notrocketscience/2009/05/27/the-peril-of-positive-thinking-why-positive-messages-hurt-people-with-low-self-esteem/#comment-4094 After reading this article, it brought up something of a «flashback» for me. I'm staring in the mirror, muttering to myself "I am an important part of this world". Followed by that of course was my logic. If their was 7 billion people in the world, what difference could I possibly make? I was just one small unattractive person. I realized that this «positive» thinking wasn't being very positive for me. I was a person of logic, the kind that works to disproove anything and everything. I came up with a phrase that I could not undermine using cold hard facts. As silly as it sounds, the sentence was "I have nice eyes." And it was true. Everytime I met someone they would compliment me on my sea-green eyes. I said that every morning. And it worked. The trick to positive thinking is getting the right phrase. If you find something nice about yourself that you can't deny, and repeat it whenever you're down,you will feel better. If you state something that goes against you're beliefs, you will get the «boomerang effect», just like I did. Positive thinking has its ups and downs. And as ironic as it seems, most of us get the downs instead of the ups. After reading this article, it brought up something of a «flashback» for me. I’m staring in the mirror, muttering to myself “I am an important part of this world”. Followed by that of course was my logic. If their was 7 billion people in the world, what difference could I possibly make? I was just one small unattractive person.
I realized that this «positive» thinking wasn’t being very positive for me. I was a person of logic, the kind that works to disproove anything and everything.
I came up with a phrase that I could not undermine using cold hard facts. As silly as it sounds, the sentence was “I have nice eyes.” And it was true. Everytime I met someone they would compliment me on my sea-green eyes. I said that every morning. And it worked.
The trick to positive thinking is getting the right phrase. If you find something nice about yourself that you can’t deny, and repeat it whenever you’re down,you will feel better. If you state something that goes against you’re beliefs, you will get the «boomerang effect», just like I did.
Positive thinking has its ups and downs. And as ironic as it seems, most of us get the downs instead of the ups.

]]> By: cdimatteo http://blogs.discovermagazine.com/notrocketscience/2009/05/27/the-peril-of-positive-thinking-why-positive-messages-hurt-people-with-low-self-esteem/comment-page-1/#comment-4093 cdimatteo Wed, 07 Oct 2009 16:45:06 +0000 http://blogs.discovermagazine.com/notrocketscience/2009/05/27/the-peril-of-positive-thinking-why-positive-messages-hurt-people-with-low-self-esteem/#comment-4093 Human beings are frequently described as social animals. Relationships are thought of as the fabric of society and, in early development, the key to our survival. Relationships contribute to the formation of our identity. We are born into relation and spend most of our lives relating to others. Even when we are alone, much of our mental activity is devoted to relating to our memories or ideas of others. Our experience of old relationships can affect how we behave in new ones. Our experience of new relationships can influence how we view or interpret relationships of the past. Human beings are frequently described as social animals. Relationships are thought of as the fabric of society and, in early development, the key to our survival. Relationships contribute to the formation of our identity. We are born into relation and spend most of our lives relating to others. Even when we are alone, much of our mental activity is devoted to relating to our memories or ideas of others.
Our experience of old relationships can affect how we behave in new ones. Our experience of new relationships can influence how we view or interpret relationships of the past.

]]> By: EJ http://blogs.discovermagazine.com/notrocketscience/2009/05/27/the-peril-of-positive-thinking-why-positive-messages-hurt-people-with-low-self-esteem/comment-page-1/#comment-4092 EJ Sat, 05 Sep 2009 20:22:39 +0000 http://blogs.discovermagazine.com/notrocketscience/2009/05/27/the-peril-of-positive-thinking-why-positive-messages-hurt-people-with-low-self-esteem/#comment-4092 For heavens' sake, everyone has long known that affirmations of things known not to be true will not work. Your mind simply responds "no it's not', or "no I'm not", usually accompanied with annoyance or embarrassment at least, anger or depression at worst, thus investing emotional energy into the negative belief. Cognitive Therapy on the other hand, helps people to develop skills in correcting false negative beliefs, and has been proven to work as good as or better than anti-depressants for many people. Other effective approaches include "Belief Repatterning" which uses a mind-body method to help people move towards true and helpful ways of thinking. (beliefrepatterning.com) and there are other methods that help people to move gradually and truthfully towards a happier and healthier way of being. This study is no surprise to those working in the field this last decade. For heavens’ sake, everyone has long known that affirmations of things known not to be true will not work. Your mind simply responds “no it’s not’, or “no I’m not”, usually accompanied with annoyance or embarrassment at least, anger or depression at worst, thus investing emotional energy into the negative belief. Cognitive Therapy on the other hand, helps people to develop skills in correcting false negative beliefs, and has been proven to work as good as or better than anti-depressants for many people. Other effective approaches include “Belief Repatterning” which uses a mind-body method to help people move towards true and helpful ways of thinking. (beliefrepatterning.com) and there are other methods that help people to move gradually and truthfully towards a happier and healthier way of being.
This study is no surprise to those working in the field this last decade.

]]> By: AME http://blogs.discovermagazine.com/notrocketscience/2009/05/27/the-peril-of-positive-thinking-why-positive-messages-hurt-people-with-low-self-esteem/comment-page-1/#comment-4091 AME Tue, 25 Aug 2009 15:46:06 +0000 http://blogs.discovermagazine.com/notrocketscience/2009/05/27/the-peril-of-positive-thinking-why-positive-messages-hurt-people-with-low-self-esteem/#comment-4091 After trying dozens of self-help books on positive thinking, finally something that makes incredible sense! I wish it would work, but just as I start to repeat the positive affirmations, all the negative self-talk comes rushing back. I think the most helpful self-help would be to work out what is causing all the negativity (childhood experiences, for example) and then the positive will slowly begin to shine through. After trying dozens of self-help books on positive thinking, finally something that makes incredible sense! I wish it would work, but just as I start to repeat the positive affirmations, all the negative self-talk comes rushing back. I think the most helpful self-help would be to work out what is causing all the negativity (childhood experiences, for example) and then the positive will slowly begin to shine through.

]]> By: whatabadarticle http://blogs.discovermagazine.com/notrocketscience/2009/05/27/the-peril-of-positive-thinking-why-positive-messages-hurt-people-with-low-self-esteem/comment-page-1/#comment-4090 whatabadarticle Fri, 07 Aug 2009 00:23:34 +0000 http://blogs.discovermagazine.com/notrocketscience/2009/05/27/the-peril-of-positive-thinking-why-positive-messages-hurt-people-with-low-self-esteem/#comment-4090 positive thinking does work! you need to be persistant, and no you dont need to believe what you are saying, you eventually believe it! coming from someone who was really deppressed, positive thinking saved my life it really works u just gotta stick with it, and repeat it as much as possible.You dont have to be dillusional just try and find the positive in every situation. positive thinking does work! you need to be persistant, and no you dont need to believe what you are saying, you eventually believe it! coming from someone who was really deppressed, positive thinking saved my life it really works u just gotta stick with it, and repeat it as much as possible.You dont have to be dillusional just try and find the positive in every situation.

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